After about 3 hours of sleep last night and 4 the night before, I am feeling a little bit scattered and unable to focus this early Saturday morning. I can't complain that I only had that amount of sleep each time because I really needed to be awake for other things when I was. Thursday I spent the day in prayer because of something going on right now in my life, and because of this something, I have been unable to focus completely on other tasks that I need to get done- answering emails, calling people back, etc (things that are normally difficult for me to get done anyway because I get so distracted and such and doing ten other things that I always forget... Let's call that a symptom of a creative mind, ok? Makes me feel better at least :) ....) All of this to say, I have been spending a lot of time in prayer lately because of a mountain that I simply cannot climb, period. This is something that only God can accomplish. But this morning, I am once again just in awe of how God has been setting things up for the last few months so that when I came to this place of need, I would be able to hear his voice. I would know that he is speaking and I would know what he is saying. I have come across so many things that really only made a "fuzzy" amount of sense at the time that I wrote them down, phrases and pages after pages of very specific scripture. At the time I wrote them, like I said, the words made some sense to the current situation, but more often than not, I would sit and be like, "really, God? How does that actually help. Like, ok, I get that. But what about this? What about what I am actually upset/concerned/worried over/requesting a word for now?" But so much makes sense now.... So much.
I have come across another set of such pages that I wrote to myself a time back. I mean, somehow they fit that situation back then, but boy are their purpose crystal clear now. It is overwhelming how much more cohesive as a specific message they are now. Here are some of the things that I wrote down, they bless me infinitely this morning:
On February 5 of this year, I wrote-
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge (submit) to him,
and he will make your paths straight. 3:5&6
Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
and your plans will succeed.
The LORD works out everything for his own ends. 16:3,4a
In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps.16:9
The lot is cast in the lap,
but its every decision is from the LORD. 16:33
Many are the plans in a man's heart,
but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. 19:21
An inheritance quickly gained at the beginning
will not be blessed at the end. 20:21
...Wait for the LORD
and He will deliver you. 20:22b
A man's steps are directed by the LORD.
How then can anyone understand his own way? 20:24
(These are some words that I copied from a sticky note stuck on a page in Proverbs next to the 20:22b verse, the words are from a sermon that I heard through BOTT online back in my first year of college. I listened to this particular preacher everyday- it was one of my places of solace during that time)
What you see as a delay, God permitted for his purpose. God is setting things up. Your destiny is not in people's hands. Focus on the will of God.
You have to stay focused on God until God is ready for you.
Quit trying to come up with your own timeline, thinking things are late. God moves when he wants to move.
Look at what can happen if you turn it over to God and quit washing your nets (reference is to Luke 5). Get ready for your nets to break because of your obedience and humility.
God makes you go through changes so he can show you his power, how magnificent he is- it's not about us.
At the point of futility, you empty of yourself and your own significance and you surrender to God's will.
"For we live by believing and not by seeing." II Cor. 5:7