I'm not really sure how to formulate all that is going through my mind this evening, but I really feel that I need to share the faithfulness of God. There is a song that Matt Maher sings- well actually 2 songs for this post - bu the first, Alive Again. In a normal context, and when this song first came out, I really felt like God used it to speak to me in a powerful way about his relentless pursuit of me. To quote the second song by Matt Maher, Your Grace is Enough- God did and continues to "wrestle with [this] sinner's restless heart." But today, in a very profound and unmistakable way, God spoke to me. And I later heard these words in this song by Matt Maher,
You called and You shouted
Broke through my deafness
Now I'm breathing in and breathing out
I'm alive again
You shattered my darkness
Washed away my blindness
Now I'm breathing in and breathing out
I'm alive again
These words became and have become so literal for me right now. For the last few months, I have been trying desperately to figure out what God wants me to do and what I should do- as far as school, a career, etc. I have chosen "realistic" career paths, one after another, along with the appropriate school options. None of which ultimately worked for me, resulting in a recurring headache. All the while, this voice inside me kept saying, Jenna, why don't you just paint. That simple. Yet even considering this path and its lack of a steady job completely floods me with worry. I like plans, and that path is too spontaneous and unreliable. But I went with it anyway, because I felt one by one God began eliminating my other options. Yet for whatever reason, I still did not feel confident in my decision. I felt so silly and ridiculous anytime someone would ask me what I'm doing now.... "Well I'm.... painting. And I'm going to go back to school to paint. So I can graduate and.... paint."
I kept begging God to please, give me some confirmation that I was actually doing what he had asked. That I was actually doing what I am supposed to be doing. That I hadn't completely missed what he had said or overanalyzed or misunderstood.
Today I went to meet with my undergrad art professors to get some advice on applying for and pursuing my MFA. And WOW. I cannot believe the depth of confirmation that I felt in my heart from God. These people think like me, have the same motivation as me, know what it feels like to tell people that your career is art. They have the same hopes and dreams for themselves and their art. They understood me. And best of all, I feel so normal around them. Around people that I have so much in common with. Around people driven to create. Around other artists. And they have such confidence that this is what I should be doing and that I will succeed- Such a compliment coming from artists like them. And I know, now more than ever, God brought me back to Memphis at just the right time, and he placed me in just the right school to finish my undergrad. Being in this art department was such a blessing to me and my art, especially when my love for and confidence in my art had been so wounded. Being around these people is such a God-thing. And today just capped it all off. I felt and feel God's calling so strongly. It was like God was saying, "Ok, if you didn't catch what I was saying before, let me make it undeniably clear. Now go. Do this." I am just so amazed at how he answered my prayer for guidance. I have no idea how I am going to get to where I am going, but I know he will see me through and see me to the end.
Honestly, left up to me, I would never have planned such a thing for myself. I still have a really hard time even considering myself a true "artist." But this God? An MFA? Wow. Great is your faithfulness, Oh God.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Friday, October 1, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Gotta stop lighting my own torches
Lately I know that the direction (or lack thereof) that my life is taking has really been on my mind, and I find myself pleading with God for guidance, for a path. Oftentimes, I feel stuck in still-nothings-happening-land where I still cannot find where I should go or what I should do. I spend half the time worrying over my current situation and the other half worrying about the future. I had been reading Beth Moore's Breaking Free the last few months, but for whatever reason, I just stopped. I picked the book back up tonight and began reading again. The two chapters I read were about God's rule in our lives being right and God's daily rule in our lives. I was really awakened to my lack of daily seeking God's presence and being diligent in seeking to obey him. Not that I go about to purposefully disobey him, but I just don't think about it. I try to figure things out for myself and then cry out to God in frustration when he doesn't seem to provide an answer. For those of you who are in a similar position as me, trying to figure out where your life is going to go and what the next step is, let alone what you should do tomorrow, I hope these words from Beth's book encourage you like they have encouraged me:
"Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness and who seek the LORD: Look to the rock from which you were cut and the quarry from which you were hewn; look to Abraham, your father, and to Sarah, who gave you birth." (Isa. 51:1-2)
If we look to the rock from which we were hewn, we can...
-believe God can do the impossible (Gen. 18:14).
-admit the futility of taking matters into our own hands (Gen. 16).
-believe God still loves and can use us even when we detour--- if we agree to return to his path (Gen. 17).
-believe God can still call us righteous based on our faith in him, even if our righteousness is like filthy rags (Gen. 15:6; Isa 64:6).
-believe that blessing ultimately follows obedience (Gen. 22:18).
Because the Lord is so compassionate, He can work wonders with the ruins, deserts, and wastelands of His children's lives.
"The LORD will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the LORD." (Isa. 51:3)
Have you felt like the waves of the sea were pounding against you and you were drowning in a relentless tide? Isaiah reminds you that God can do for you what he did for Moses. He "made a road in the depths of the sea so that the redeemed might cross over" (Isa. 51:10b)
Have you ever felt like a cowering prisoner? Have you ever felt like you would never be released? I love the words of Isaiah 51:14: "The cowering prisoners will soon be set free." Believe it and claim it! Obey and see that you can trust! ...God said that he is doing a new thing:
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." (Isa. 43:18-19)
...Like a father cupping his rebellious child's face in his strong hands, He says, "Listen to me... Hear me... I, even I, am he who comforts you... I am the LORD your God" (Isa. 51:1, 7, 12, 15). Essentially, God is saying to us, "I am for you, Child! Not against you! When will you cease resisting me?"
"Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you set ablaze. This is what you shall recieve from my hand: You will lie down in torment." (Isa. 50:10-11)
No matter how long we've walked with God, we will still have days that seem dark. In those times God tells us to trust in his name and rely on who he is. Job 23:10 continues to be a blessing to me when I don't know what to do: "But he knows the way that I take." When you feel you've lost your way, take heart! He knows the way that you take. Stand still, cry out, and bid him to come to you! He'll lead you on from there, and miraculously, when once again you see the light, you'll be able to see the footprints you made in the dark. Never will he hold your hand more tightly that when he is leading your through the dark.
What is your biggest temptation when you don't feel that God is illuminating your way clearly? Isaiah 50:11 describes mine perfectly. I tend to want to light my own fire and walk by the illumination of my own torch. Yes, you and I will still veer periodically from the path, no matter how obediently we want to walk, because we're pilgrims with feet of clay. The beauty of God's light is this: it will always lead us right back to the path. No matter how long the detour has been, the return is only a shortcut away. "Save me, for I am yours" (Ps. 119:94).
-Beth Moore, Breaking Free
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." (Psalm 119:105)
"Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness and who seek the LORD: Look to the rock from which you were cut and the quarry from which you were hewn; look to Abraham, your father, and to Sarah, who gave you birth." (Isa. 51:1-2)
If we look to the rock from which we were hewn, we can...
-believe God can do the impossible (Gen. 18:14).
-admit the futility of taking matters into our own hands (Gen. 16).
-believe God still loves and can use us even when we detour--- if we agree to return to his path (Gen. 17).
-believe God can still call us righteous based on our faith in him, even if our righteousness is like filthy rags (Gen. 15:6; Isa 64:6).
-believe that blessing ultimately follows obedience (Gen. 22:18).
Because the Lord is so compassionate, He can work wonders with the ruins, deserts, and wastelands of His children's lives.
"The LORD will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the LORD." (Isa. 51:3)
Have you felt like the waves of the sea were pounding against you and you were drowning in a relentless tide? Isaiah reminds you that God can do for you what he did for Moses. He "made a road in the depths of the sea so that the redeemed might cross over" (Isa. 51:10b)
Have you ever felt like a cowering prisoner? Have you ever felt like you would never be released? I love the words of Isaiah 51:14: "The cowering prisoners will soon be set free." Believe it and claim it! Obey and see that you can trust! ...God said that he is doing a new thing:
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." (Isa. 43:18-19)
...Like a father cupping his rebellious child's face in his strong hands, He says, "Listen to me... Hear me... I, even I, am he who comforts you... I am the LORD your God" (Isa. 51:1, 7, 12, 15). Essentially, God is saying to us, "I am for you, Child! Not against you! When will you cease resisting me?"
"Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you set ablaze. This is what you shall recieve from my hand: You will lie down in torment." (Isa. 50:10-11)
No matter how long we've walked with God, we will still have days that seem dark. In those times God tells us to trust in his name and rely on who he is. Job 23:10 continues to be a blessing to me when I don't know what to do: "But he knows the way that I take." When you feel you've lost your way, take heart! He knows the way that you take. Stand still, cry out, and bid him to come to you! He'll lead you on from there, and miraculously, when once again you see the light, you'll be able to see the footprints you made in the dark. Never will he hold your hand more tightly that when he is leading your through the dark.
What is your biggest temptation when you don't feel that God is illuminating your way clearly? Isaiah 50:11 describes mine perfectly. I tend to want to light my own fire and walk by the illumination of my own torch. Yes, you and I will still veer periodically from the path, no matter how obediently we want to walk, because we're pilgrims with feet of clay. The beauty of God's light is this: it will always lead us right back to the path. No matter how long the detour has been, the return is only a shortcut away. "Save me, for I am yours" (Ps. 119:94).
-Beth Moore, Breaking Free
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." (Psalm 119:105)
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