John Rzeznik, you've done it again

Some of the lyrics to this song... they just really hit me. Hard.

"Let Love In"

You wait, wanting this world
To let you in
And you stand there
A frozen light
In dark and empty streets
You smile hiding behind
A God-given face
But I know you're so much more
Everything they ignore
Is all that I need to see

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
 
I wish
Wishing for you to find your way
And I'll hold on for all you need
That's all we need to say
I'll take my chances while
You take your time with
This game you play
But I can't control your soul
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to do without
The only way to feel again
Is let love in

There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to live without
The only way to see again
Is let love in

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

Where the Literary and the Visual Collide

Arghh! I am having a serious 90's flashback problem.... Something just really struck a chord with me last week when I listened to Slide by the Goo Goo Dolls. I have NO idea what happened, but apparently it was quite epic. And I do apologize to you if you are still somehow managing to read my blog even with all of these references to this band. Truly, I have no idea why this is occurring.... it's like some strange addiction, and I can't stop listening to them. What's worse is that I watch the videos to the songs on youtube and am strangely intrigued. Then, out of more curiosity, I go and research some of the meanings of the songs. For example, I was very curious about Black Balloon. It is just stuffed full of imagery and metaphor, and I had to know the story behind the song. I had a feeling it had something to do with drugs or another kind of addiction... apparently a lover's (or one of the guy's wives) had a heroin addiction and overdosed. Or supposedly, to quote wikipedia quoting Rzeznik, the song talks about "seeing someone you love that is so great just screw up so bad." And this is so bad, but the heroin overdose/seeing a loved one screw up take on the meaning only makes this song and its imagery more intriguing to me. Is that weird?? Yeah, probably. I feel like I did in my Modern Art in America class that I took as an undergrad. We talked A LOT about the 60's and about Andy Warhol and Edie Sedgwick and the drug scene. All about the influences on art from lifetsyles and the newfound "freedom" of that time period. Don't get me wrong, I have no desire to be a part of that whatsoever. But as weird as it sounds, it's just oddly and disturbingly interesting to watch/hear/learn about these people and their lifestyles.... The sadness is intriguing? There's really no way to say that without sounding really off. Ok, how about this-- something about how this era and these lifestyles influenced art is incredibly intriguing. I am the first one to tell you that I greatly dislike modern art. I think it is incredibly just screwed up in it's aim and method. BUT, for some reason, the connection and expression that people are able to find through artwork (and all that goes with it, i.e. symbolism, metaphor, imagery) is incredibly interesting to me. How someone can come up with a certain metaphor or analogy or symbol is just the coolest thing to me. I think that might be because I'm not as good at making up such things, rather I love to put a visual spin on it- let you the viewer see what my mind sees when I hear or read such a metaphor. So, to bring us back to Black Balloon (wow, we just danced all around modern art didn't we? something about drugs is most likely the cause... haha)-- phrases like the following are way cool to me, especially in light of their meaning and then the visual choices from the music video, crazy cool. Think about each separately as its own thought within its symbols and meanings and as a metaphor and such. So intriguing.

Baby's black balloon makes her fly
 
I almost fell into that hole in your life

You were the same as me, But on your knees

I saw the world spin beneath you
 
And scatter like ice from the spoon
That was your womb

That swallowed the light from the sun
Inside your room

And I go on as you get colder

Are you someone's prayer

And I'll go and lead you home and
And I'll become
What you became to me

All my fears have pushed you out

Isn't it ironic, or perhaps really cool, how God will use whatever it takes to reach us. Some lyrics from a song I was listening to (in my crazy goo goo dolls daze earlier today):

Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I killed myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

And I wished for things that I don’t need
(all I wanted)
And what I chased won’t set me free
(all I wanted)
And I get scared but I’m not crawlin’ on my knees

Oh, yeah
Everything’s all wrong, yeah
Everything’s all wrong, yeah
Where the hell did I think I was? 


And stranger than your sympathy
Take these things, so I don’t feel
I’m killing myself from the inside out
And now my head’s been filled with doubt


We’re taught to lead the life you choose
(all I wanted)
You know your love’s run out on you
(all I wanted)
And you can’t see when all your dreams aren’t coming true
(Sympathy, Goo Goo Dolls from Gutterflower (Enh'd))


I couldn't see that I was sabotaging myself. My fears of rejection and hurt became lord over my life. And I pushed everything that resembled what I truly wanted out. I try so hard not to fail. I try so hard to get everything exactly right, because I thought that was the best way to avoid pain. But in my search for perfection, I messed up anyway... or even more so. I think God just wants us to live. To obey his commands and to surrender to his will, yes, but to also live. He promises he will direct our steps. Why am I trying so hard to convince myself that what I want must be not at all what God wants, simply because it's of me? Why can't it be that my desires become his desires when I seek to be in the center of his will? And even though I know all of this, especially that my fears have been ruling over me, how can I still doubt? It's like as soon as I move forward, satan throws whatever he can at me to try and halt my progress. I want to want God more than anything... but I feel that satan may try to be using this against me. Unless I know that this is what God wants from me, I feel  forbidden to want it. But didn't I just get through figuring out that He directs my steps if my heart is willing? God, may I know you more... may I know and draw close to your heart.

I saw the world spin beneath you

I'm not sure why the sudden obsession with the Goo Goo Dolls... It's like listening to one song that I hadn't heard in forever caused a domino effect of a need to listen to every song by them, only furthering my appreciation for this music (and for the beauty that is John Rzeznik ♥) Love, love, love this one...

Little Pieces of the Nothing That Fall

I'm not so sure when this became a music blog (haha, I feel like my friend Monika!), but I do like getting to "re-enjoy" certain music that I was afraid to officially "like" when it was new or semi-popular. People that liked said music were "those people." Haha.

But I totally love the Goo Goo Dolls ♥... always did :) Yesterday, Monika and I definitely rocked out to a fantastic collection of varying music while doing some cooking, and a series of songs by the Goo Goo Dolls, including this selection, was included.

Kinda makes you all giggly-girl and swoon-like, yes?