Days 16 and 17

A song that makes me cry. Hmmm.... I know that Danny Boy used to make me cry. Not as much now, but it did. So here is the link to most post about that song: Musical Monday, Danny Boy

This song by Enya at times does make me cry as well.... even though it is in Gaelic. I have read the translation, which does make it more sad (but in a good way!), but I think the overall mood of the song, the tone and the music, really touched me and made me emotional even before I read the words.



Here are the lyrics and translation:

Smaointe...

A Thought...

(D'Aodh Agus Do Mháire Uí Dhúgain) Éist le mo chroí, Go brónach a choích' Tá mé caillte gan tú 's do bhean chéile. An grá mór i do shaoil Treoraí sé mé. Bígí liomsa i gcónaí Lá 's oích'. Curfá: Ag caoineadh ar an uaigneas mór Na deora, go brónach 'Na gcodladh ins an uaigh ghlas chiúin Faoi shuaimhneas, go domhain. Aoibhneas a bhí Ach d'imigh sin Sé lean tú Do fhear chéile. An grá mór i do shaoil Treoraí sé mé. Bígí liomsa i gcónaí Lá 's oích'. Curfá Smaointe, ar an lá 'Raibh sibh ar mo thaobh Ag inse scéil Ar an dóigh a bhí Is cuimhin liom an lá Gan ghá 's gan ghruaim Bígí liomsa i gcónaí Lá 's oích'.

(To my maternal grandparents, literally: "For Hugh and Mary Duggan") Listen to my heart, Forever sad I'm lost without you and your wife. The great love in your lives [1] Will guide me. Be (plural) with me always Day and night. Chorus: Weeping due to the great loneliness The tears, sorrowfully Asleep in the quiet green grave In a deep peace. There was blissfulness But that is gone You followed Your husband. The great love in your lives Will guide me. Be (plural) with me always Day and night. Chorus A thought, on the day You were (both) at my side Telling tales Of how things were. I remember the day Carefree and happy [2] Be (plural) with me always Day and night.

1. The meaning of this phrase in this context is "the love that was shown by the two of you".
2. Literally "without need and without gloom". 

I also think there are probably quite a few church songs that stir a lot of emotion within me, most of them being older hymns. Something about singing hymns sometimes just makes me feel so grounded... I feel like these are words that so many before me have found truth in.... Almost like the words and melodies echo the heart's cry of so many godly men and women, saints that now are rejoicing before their Father. In a way, they make me feel so close to my grandparents, my mom's mom and dad. I feel like they were such a pillar of faith in my own life and in the life of the church they were a part of. I feel like I'm back there, years ago, just a small child sitting on those pews next to my Memaw and Papaw. I can hear my grandmother singing "Tell Me the Story of Jesus." I can see my grandfather's old worn Bible.

This is one of those songs that brought me back to a firm foundation and a place of faith when everything in my life stopped making sense. This song spoke to my insecurity and my feelings of isolation and abandonment and loneliness during such a difficult time in my life:

1. How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
   Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!
   What more can He say than to you He hath said—
   To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?
2. “Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
   For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
   I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
   Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand.
3. “When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
   The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
   For I will be with thee thy trouble to bless,
   And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
4. “When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
   My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
   The flame shall not harm thee; I only design
   Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.
5. “The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,
   I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
   That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
   I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”

My favorite website would probably have to be one of the many blogs that I read. I really like these:
donmilleris
stuffchristianslike

And as of recent, I found this one:
rabbitroom

I also like Etsy a lot.... when I have money to just go shopping with :)

From an artistic point of view, I really like this blog:
womenpaintingwomen

Creativity and Artist's Block

I have been struggling so so much with "artist's block" lately and have tried more times that I can count to cure myself of it. I've tried disciplining myself, making myself paint everyday. I've tried looking at other work by artists that I admire. I've tried reading inspiring words and passages, quotes and books.  I have tried looking through images I find inspiring. I have tried forcing compositions. I have tried talking with other artists. I have tried doing nothing, in hopes of letting creativity "naturally flow." All of this to no avail. I am in an artistic rut. I will be honest and admit it. A friend and I really delved into this issue last night, trying to figure out why it is that I am in this place. The best that I have been able to do to get out of said rut is to paint (or at least begin paintings...) that I know I could never sell or do anything with because the images aren't mine. Practice pieces if you will. And they've turned out really so much better than all the others I've recently started. And overall, they are not bad. I'm still a little frozen when it comes to finishing them, but they are way beyond my other "messes," and I still have a somewhat interest in them (good sign). But still. something paralyzes me.

I told my friend that in the past, I have always felt like it is God who creates my artwork. I honestly feel that I start painting, and then a few hours later, I "wake up" and find this piece....  I'm just like wow... who did that? I used to call it "happy accidents" because I had no idea how they happened. Now I know that it's God. I feel like my painting, my creativity, is the moment where God meets me. And he takes over, and does amazing things.

Which is why when I can't seem to have these "moments," I feel a little abandoned by God. I don't understand why nothing is happening.

Then my friend hit on something quite interesting. Recently, I have posted none of the pieces I have been working on, here or on facebook or anywhere. I have barely let my family see what I've been working on. And I feel that the result is much better paintings and the fact that I am still somewhat interested in finishing them. My friend, as a result, noted that I base a lot of my talent on the opinions of others. I measure myself against my old pieces because I know those are already accepted. I fear failing now. I fear being a bad artist in front of others. I fear that in their eyes, somehow, I became worse instead of getting better. As I think of myself (and by default, my art) so shall others see me.

I read this post by Donald Miller today, and I thought it so relevant that I really needed to share....

The Great Stumbling Block of the Creative Mind

The great stumbling block of the creative mind is the awareness of self from the perspective of others. Self awareness isn’t the enemy, because we are in fact masterworks of God, but rather the overemphasis regarding what others think of us. When we think too much about the opinions of others, we are letting them edit a book God has written.
In his introduction to C.S. Lewis’ sermon The Weight of Glory, Walter Hooper says Lewis was not capable of writing a great work until he converted to Christianity, not because only Christians create great work (obviously) but because his conversion marked an inner change in which he ceased to take much interest in himself.
In an age in which we can project an image and score that image based on immediate Facebook and Twitter feedback, thus making a video game of life and a false-reality composed of lies, what gets lost is a joyful obsession with the work we create from the purest of motives, a sheer joy in the act of creation itself that causes us to lose ourselves in something else, and in a way die to ourselves over the absolute love of a thing we are breathing into life.

You can find Donald's original post here: 
donmilleris.com