Shades of Reverie

100 Facts About Me

2011-04-04T13:18:00.005-05:00

Stolen idea from Monika :)

1. I have felt a favor from God and a calling from God over my life since I was a little girl, since I could even remember. I have belonged to Him I think my whole life.

2. I don't have ten thousand friends that I am super close too and I don't keep acquaintances or "casual friends" really well, but my few very best friends are everything to me.

3. Most days lately, I really want to make art, but am afraid.

4. My mom has always been my best friend.

5. I actually really enjoy writing and reading literature. I loved my lit classes and creative writing classes in undergrad. There are few things other than art that give me a sense of struggle and then accomplishment like writing a paper on a poem or a piece of literature.

6. Had I not been an art major, I would have chosen to be an English major.

7. I actually was an English major for about a year in undergrad--- because I love the subject yes, but also because I had an awesome professor that believed in me and I really wanted him to be my advisor.

8. I transferred schools 3 times as an undergrad and therefore went to a total of 4 different undergrads.

9. Had I stayed at the first school where I became an English major bc of said professor, I would have stayed in English all the way through and might be entering grad school for English right now.

10. I should have gone to the last undergrad that I attended at the very beginning, but I wouldn't change how things evolved.

11. I have never considered myself or been able to truly call myself an Artist. Mostly because I have never felt worthy of the title.

12. I believe that when I am truly making art, there is a time of lost awareness. When I am not fully "there." Rather, God is present and takes over. I know that sounds very "new age" or even strange. I used to call my good art "happy accidents" because in all honesty, I had no idea how it happened. I would just all of a sudden look and there it was. I now believe that's God. It is when he communes with me on a very personal and intimate level. I believe that all creative minds experience this, but many don't realize that what they experience is divine presence. I believe that God uses this imperfect vessel to paint through.

13. Because of #12, when I am fearful of making art or feeling a sense of artist block, I feel a discord in my relationship with God. Through these times, he is trying to mold me and heal me and allowing me to seek to get back in harmony with Him.

14. I sometimes feel that my thoughts or thought processes or feelings are too new age.

15. Ironically and not entirely but somewhat related, if Christianity never existed, I would want to be new age or following a Native American religion.

16. Native American peoples, cultures, religions, practices, etc have always fascinated me.

17. I can trace when and where #16 began--- I used to watch Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman as a young child.- In fact quite often when I stayed with my grandparents. I always loved the Cheyenne people.

18. I used to pretend that, among other things, I was Native American. I was very excited when I learned that I had Cherokee in my blood through my mom's mom.

19. Dr. Quinn always reminded me of my mom.

20. I always wanted to marry Sully (from Dr. Quinn if you are unfamiliar). I recently began watching the seasons of Dr. Quinn, and am still convinced that Sully is in fact the love of my life. Seriously ;) He epitomizes almost the very man I would want to marry. It's too bad that he is a fictional character.

21. I miss my grandparents (mom's side) and visiting them where they lived in the countryside. It's one of those things that you totally take for granted as a child, even loathing making that looonnngg drive (hey, an hour both ways is pretty long for a 7 year old). But I would give anything to go visit them now.

22. I want to name my first son James after my mom's dad. He was a man of God.

23. I love being able to not only trace my ancestry and heritage, but being able to learn of the spiritual giants that paved the way for the faith that I have today.

24. I don't normally talk about guys that I am interested in because I feel that I sound whiny.

25. But I have to say for the sake of this thing, I find that the only ones that ask me out are the ones I want nothing to do with.

26. Yet I am currently interested in about 3 gentlemen. One, I have never even met in person. And the second, I feel this spark every time our eyes meet but for whatever reason the rest of the time he acts like I don't exist. And the third, I so enjoy spending time with but I don't think we could have a future because we just don't want the same things out of life.

27. I have so many ideas of female figures to paint.

28. I am terrible at following through with a planned background or environment with those figures.

29. I am considering going abstract with my backgrounds.

30. I am both super excited and terribly anxious about starting grad school.

31. I have been a vegetarian for almost 4 years.

32. I am passionate about animals being treated with respect (backlash of the Native American thing? Yeah...) Few things upset me quite as much as learning about animal abuse and inhumane treatment of all animals and modern society's meat greediness and overconsumption.

33. I feel like a terrible Christian sometimes because I should get that passionately upset about the lost and those that do not know Jesus.

34. I feel like God has given us the responsibility to take care of the creation he gave us.

35. I really want to get back into running. I'd like to run a half marathon.

36. I sometimes cough so hard that I get the hiccups.

37. I want to go to the British Isles before I die.

38. I would love to live there also.

39. I open all of the blinds in the morning because I love natural sunlight. My mom says I inherit this from my grandmother.

40. I hate sleeping in a house alone. If there is a really large dog, then I might be ok. But I'd really rather not at all.

41. I turn on all, and I do mean ALL of the lights in every other room and all of the tvs in the house for the whole night when I have to sleep in a house alone.

42. One day when I get engaged/married I want my ring to be antique style... maybe something from the 20's? Or like from the 1800's? How awesome would that be. I also wouldn't mind terribly if the stone was a color and not just a diamond.

43. I want to have my own kids one day, but I also want to adopt at least once.

44. I believe that God created me to be a mother one day.

45. I sometimes save/keep/collect things for my future kids (books, etc).

46. I love love love looking at illustrations in children's books.

47. I am content with where I am in life right now. I love being a part of what God is doing with my life.

48. My first kiss made me so angry (still does) and completely did not happen by choice.

49. I love going to the theatre and to see musicals and plays, etc.

50. Film scores from movies such as Pride and Prejudice, The Young Victoria, and Little Women are some of my very favorite pieces of music to listen to.

51. My favorite place to eat is a bistro.cafe inside of a bookstore in Memphis (Davis Kidd) and is named after one of my favorite classic authors---- Bronte :)

52. I don't think I actually have a favorite food right now....

53. I want to paint and distress/antique my furniture when I have a free week or two this summer.

54. If you are still reading this far, I am totally impressed and proud of you.

55. I fall in love with Mr. Rochester every time I watch Masterpiece Theatre's Jane Eyre.

56. I love my brother and sister very much. I was super close to my brother when we were young and now that my sister is older, we are super close too. ....My brother and I did kinda pick on her a little when we were kids though ;)

57. I planted blueberry and blackberry bushes last year.

58. I planted about six trees in my yard over the years. It is way cool to see a tree grow.

59. My high school art teacher inspired the direction that my life is going right now. I don't know who I would be or what I would be doing right now had she not believed in me. She is now one of my very best friends.

60. I have a spiritual best friend and our friendship is greater and simply more than anything this world could call friendship. I believe God put Monika and I together as friends for reasons and purposes that are truly only of Him.

61. I love to bake. I call myself a pastry chef because I am just that cool.

62. Some days I want to get rid of all of the social media that I am a part of. It distracts me so much from doing what I need to be doing.... i.e. my art.

63. I love having guy friends. They just help my life in ways that your friends that are girls simply can't.

64. I like lattes more than regular coffee. Stronger + flavored = just plain better.

65. White mochas are my favorite at Starbucks right now.

66. I recently really started watching and liking Project Runway. I don't think it has anything to do with fashion, but something about their process and what they create is so artistic.

67. It is for this reason that I also watch America's Next Top Model at times. Do not judge, the makeup and clothing combinations can really be wonderfully artistic. I can do without the unnecessary reality tv drama though.

68. I love being a part of my church. They are wondefully awesome people. And there are so many artists among them too!

69. I am learning to say yes to God daily.

70. God is teaching me to pray and to pray often.

71. I'd rather be at a museum than at the beach.

72. Therefore, I'd rather plan a dream vacation to Europe than to Hawaii

73. If I could marry a man with a Scottish or an Irish accent, I would be willing to compromise on other "seemingly" more important things... ;)

74. I want to study art in Italy.

75. We now have tomato plants at my parents house. Makes me reminisce on my grandparents, on my Papaw's tomatoes.

76. The Price is Right, Peaches, Biscuits, Front Porch Swing, and A Never Ending Sky are all memories I associate with my grandparents.

77. Autumn is my favorite season.

78. I love the fact that scents can arouse memories in such a powerful way.

79. I believe that artists do not hoard. They collect.

80. I would rather drive than ride on a road trip.

81. Peonies are my absolute favorite flower. They are starting to be in bloom this time of year :)

82. I want to take an illustration class.

83. Pre-Raphaelite art and Art Nouveau are my favorites.

84. I love organic shapes in every area of my life.

85. I love my dog and have had her for almost 14 years.

86. I really want to adopt a second dog from the shelter.

87. I am inspired to paint figures by looking through bridal magazines. Some of the best gestures are found in these.

88. I love going to the bookstore, finding a book and sitting a reading for a few hours with a latte.

89. When I enter a room, I'd rather sit or stand somewhere along the edge of the room or by a wall. This has nothing to do with the amount of participation I will contribute but rather with me being able to see and take in everything in the room.

90. I believe that my introversion allows me to be a deeper thinker and feeler.

91. I am going to miss my sister terribly when she goes away to school in the fall, but I am super happy that she will love school.

92. I am rereading Wuthering Heights right now both to help my sister as she reads it in her English class and to get me rereading some of the classics.

93. I have a phobia of most hotel beds, of stairs that have an open gap rather than a wall/plank between each step, and in some situations, I am afraid of the dark.

94. I have a terrible immune system when I am around children (i.e. when I am teaching regularly)

95. PBS is one of my favorite TV stations.

96. I think it would be such cool job to be a part of the art department/team for a film.

97. I also think it would so great to be a part of a wardrobe designing team.

98. One of my favorite paintings that I have done is a study of Boreas by John William Waterhouse.

99. I love who God has created me to be.

100. I know that God is doing something in my life.

Good Things About Today

2011-03-22T19:03:00.002-05:00

1. Work was not super stressful as it has been the past few weeks. And the project that I had mentioned in my previous post with the Dr. Seuss book turned out pretty well for my younger students. We got to finally use watercolors, and I worked on mixing some liquid watercolors for my older students on Thursday.

2. I got to eat lunch with my mom to celebrate both of our birthdays (Mom's was Sunday and mine is Thursday), and we ate at my favorite restaurant, Bronte, a bistro-cafe inside of Davis Kidd. And we had the most amazing bread pudding with pecans for dessert. Yum.

3. I met my best friend's new dog Max, and we took Max and my dog Missy walking in the park and went for ice cream at Chick-fil-a. (And even better Max and Missy got along so well! An amazing feat for my dog.. Yay for new dog friends!)

4. My dad got satellite installed at their house, which I still stay at a good bit of the time. Which means for the first time since Hallmark channel stopped showing it, I watched Dr. Quinn on TV in my room! Yes I do have all of the seasons on dvd, but there is something different about seeing it as it comes on TV :)

Many Colored Days

2011-03-21T22:34:00.000-05:00

"This is life changing!" Such were the words of my sister after she picked up and read the book, My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss.

This is the book I plan on using to teach my preschool art class tomorrow. "I've never seen this one before... but it just describes everything in life. It all makes so much sense...." I know now, that this lesson is definitely going to be a success. I mean, whether or not by 18 year old sister thinks the lesson is exciting is how I judge the potential of all my preschool art lessons. Seriously.

With my sister, life is never dull :)

What Inspires Me

2011-03-18T17:42:00.001-05:00

I just found this Italian artist of the late 19th/early 20th century --- Giovanni Boldini. Boldini belonged to the School of Paris and his portraits flow and show an Impressionistic influence. Such beauty and elegance. Love his work! My very favorite of his is this first one, but all of them are lovely.

Being Sick

2011-03-17T19:56:00.000-05:00

Being sick is bad for the following reasons:
1. You're sick, and that's just no fun.
2. You feel terrible.
3. People think you are flaky because you can't do the things you planned in advance to do with them.
4. You lose your appetite (very sad when you love food...)
5. If you don't eat, you get more sick when it's time to take your medicine.
6. Anything you try to force yourself to eat to avoid #5 is now even more unappealing and disgusting than when you were at #4.
7. You can't do anything so you are bored enough to write a list of things you dislike when you are sick.

Please God, let me get well soon! I am tired of this!

Spring Break

2011-03-14T14:40:00.000-05:00

And I am sick. Bleh. Apparently my body is finally catching up to all of the stress I put it through the last few weeks, and it is not happy. And it's a yucky rainy day.. I so have good intentions of painting and being a disciplined artist this week now that I have the chance to actually be one. This simply will not do! Maybe if I just rest today then I will be able to paint the rest of the week....

Well, anyway, here's some music for your Monday. It's bright and cheery and will hopefully bring such a day into my life, let's say tomorrow?

Ethel Mae Potter

2011-03-13T16:17:00.002-05:00

My favorite Lucy scene

God Always Shows Himself Faithful

2011-03-05T09:11:00.001-06:00

After about 3 hours of sleep last night and 4 the night before, I am feeling a little bit scattered and unable to focus this early Saturday morning. I can't complain that I only had that amount of sleep each time because I really needed to be awake for other things when I was. Thursday I spent the day in prayer because of something going on right now in my life, and because of this something, I have been unable to focus completely on other tasks that I need to get done- answering emails, calling people back, etc (things that are normally difficult for me to get done anyway because I get so distracted and such and doing ten other things that I always forget... Let's call that a symptom of a creative mind, ok? Makes me feel better at least :) ....) All of this to say, I have been spending a lot of time in prayer lately because of a mountain that I simply cannot climb, period. This is something that only God can accomplish. But this morning, I am once again just in awe of how God has been setting things up for the last few months so that when I came to this place of need, I would be able to hear his voice. I would know that he is speaking and I would know what he is saying. I have come across so many things that really only made a "fuzzy" amount of sense at the time that I wrote them down, phrases and pages after pages of very specific scripture. At the time I wrote them, like I said, the words made some sense to the current situation, but more often than not, I would sit and be like, "really, God? How does that actually help. Like, ok, I get that. But what about this? What about what I am actually upset/concerned/worried over/requesting a word for now?" But so much makes sense now.... So much.

I have come across another set of such pages that I wrote to myself a time back. I mean, somehow they fit that situation back then, but boy are their purpose crystal clear now. It is overwhelming how much more cohesive as a specific message they are now. Here are some of the things that I wrote down, they bless me infinitely this morning:

On February 5 of this year, I wrote-

From Proverbs,
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
   and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge (submit) to him,
   and he will make your paths straight. 3:5&6

Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
   and your plans will succeed.
The LORD works out everything for his own ends. 16:3,4a

In his heart a man plans his course,
   but the LORD determines his steps.16:9

The lot is cast in the lap,
    but its every decision is from the LORD. 16:33

Many are the plans in a man's heart,
    but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. 19:21

An inheritance quickly gained at the beginning
    will not be blessed at the end. 20:21

...Wait for the LORD
    and He will deliver you. 20:22b

A man's steps are directed by the LORD.
    How then can anyone understand his own way? 20:24

(These are some words that I copied from a sticky note stuck on a page in Proverbs next to the 20:22b verse, the words are from a sermon that I heard through BOTT online back in my first year of college. I listened to this particular preacher everyday- it was one of my places of solace during that time)

What you see as a delay, God permitted for his purpose. God is setting things up. Your destiny is not in people's hands. Focus on the will of God.

You have to stay focused on God until God is ready for you.

Quit trying to come up with your own timeline, thinking things are late. God moves when he wants to move.

Look at what can happen if you turn it over to God and quit washing your nets (reference is to Luke 5). Get ready for your nets to break because of your obedience and humility.

God makes you go through changes so he can show you his power, how magnificent he is- it's not about us.

At the point of futility, you empty of yourself and your own significance and you surrender to God's will.

"For we live by believing and not by seeing." II Cor. 5:7

Clinging to Christ

2011-03-03T07:12:00.000-06:00

I read this from Monika's facebook status, and it brought tears to my eyes. There is no better way to describe where I am. And it's a shame that I'm starting to believe him... And I can't tell what is truth anymore.

"The Charlatan. The Thief attempts to take everything that I have been given. He intends on stealing my hope. Like a monster his urges me into the depths of fear. As he does his best to alter my life and God's work, I close my eyes tight & cling to Christ with all my might."

A picture of my favorite memory

2011-03-02T20:11:00.000-06:00

I always loved that since my mom and I have our birthdays just a few days apart, we always got to celebrate together.

2011-03-02T17:05:00.002-06:00

I am counting on the LORD; yes, I am counting on him. I have put my hope in his word.
Psalm 130:5

A picture of something I want to do before I die

2011-03-01T18:57:00.000-06:00

This is probably a little odd that I posted a picture of a Celtic Woman concert for this one, because I have been to see them twice already. The difference here is that this is the concert that they record live for the PBS airing, the one that they do in Europe. AND I WANT TO GO!!! I think this one is at Slane Castle. I'm sure that this is somehow connected to me really wanting to go to Europe, but to see them live at one of these while in Europe?!?! PLEASE?!

Words That I Am Living By Right Now

2011-03-01T18:39:00.000-06:00

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

A picture of the cast from my favorite show

2011-02-28T20:10:00.000-06:00

Yes indeed.

Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

2011-02-28T20:03:00.001-06:00

Yep, I believe the title sums it up. I am now making cookies to semi-fix today...

The other day we had tornado/thunderstorms and some water from the rain came through one of the doors at the house that I am housesitting at. They have hard wood floors, but I thought, it's ok.. I'm cleaning it up and all will be well. Apparently it either rained again last night or some of the water from the other day soaked through, because today some of the wood has started to buckle/warp. Have I mentioned that while housesitting at another house, the toilet apparently kept running through the night and overflowed into the house, going through the wood floors in the entire living room? Do we notice that I am the common factor here? I think I need a really big cookie. And a latte. Anyone want to volunteer to bring me the latte part?

Random Ramblings

2011-02-27T23:02:00.002-06:00

Just thought I'd take a few minutes to write down some thoughts going through my head.

First of all, I love being a part of a church family. I've been thinking a lot about this lately, especially since I just placed membership at Sycamore View (such a "grown up" feeling if I do say so....), a church here in the Memphis area. I've been visiting there for almost 2 years now because I felt so disconnected with the church that I grew up attending. This new family has shown me what the church in its truest purpose is, what the mission of Jesus is and what a family of believers looks like. They aren't interested in numbers, they are interested in discipleship. I am so proud and happy to be a part of this family. Also really cool fact that I'm loving: for some reason, all sorts of creative minds seem to just flock to this church. I can just look around the room and start picking out artists of all types- painters, ceramic artists, art teachers, musicians in the Memphis Symphony Orchestra. I think it says something about a church family that an artist can not only feel welcome, but accepted and useful. Wow... think of it... using my gifts for God's glory, and not for a cliche-churchy type project. No, me being.... me.

Ok onto second rambling. I have decided that big groups of people are simply not for me. I mean, I guess I always knew this, but if you really want to get to know me or if you really want to experience the real Jenna, do not hang out around me in a larger group. Let's keep it to 4 or 5 tops. Otherwise, I'm going to be extremely introverted quiet and do the disappear into the background thing. I need small numbers to be able to express who I am and give voice to my opinions, etc. All of you that know me were probably already aware of this fact. I'm just finding it to be true more and more.

Next. I really really really want to take a trip to Europe. Specifically, Ireland and the UK. I think I am really going to start seriously planning such a trip next summer. I have no idea how I am going to go about this. I'm somewhat afraid of going by myself, but I'm not sure of anyone that I could drag along other than my sister that would want to go to these specific places with me. But this is something that I really just have to do.

And finally. I am awaiting answers to my grad school applications. This is producing patience. I honestly have no idea where I am going to be in 6 or 7 months. I'm really having to trust God here.

Dawn

2011-02-27T20:13:00.002-06:00

One of the best scenes... makes me come back to this movie time and time again.

A picture of me and the person I have been closest with the longest

2011-02-27T19:40:00.000-06:00

So I think I typically use my sister for this one when I've done this challenge thing before, so this time I shall change things up a little... Technically I've been with my brother the longest anyway :)

Mi Hermano

We were Ghostbusters here. This is what happens when you have an older brother. I do find that my pink snow boots were quite a nice touch. Yeah, we were cool.

A picture of me with ten facts

2011-02-26T23:26:00.001-06:00

1. I have watched Pride and Prejudice three times in the last week and am currently watching The Young Victoria.
2. I have an irrational but extremely real fear/phobia of sleeping in a house alone at night.
3. I have a little white fluffy dog that I love very much but as she does not offer a real sense of protection, I am currently considering adopting a second much larger dog of some sort to solve fact #2.
4. I am waiting to hear back from graduate schools about my application to their MFA programs
5. I have learned in the past month that I would rather be happy/sane/not completely stressed out than have money and a steady job.
6. I am working on a few painting compositions that involve mirrors, contemplating all kinds of symbolism in reflections.
7. My "things I want to paint one day" list includes items within my compositions such as a spider web, a masquerade mask, and a cage.
8. Somehow my " style" and the majority of my wardrobe includes articles of clothing that could arguably be considered pieces that look like they are from another era (victorian, regency, the flapper look, hippie, pioneer/frontier/laura ingalls wilder, etc)
9. I really want to have daughters one day and secretly collect/keep things that I want them to have (books, movies, music, artful things, american girl dolls... do not laugh at me...)
10. I have learned that it's ok to not know or be able to map out every detail of your future. God will handle tomorrow.

30 Day Photo Challenge

2011-02-26T22:56:00.002-06:00

Another 30 day challenge? I think yes! Thanks Kristina! :)

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 04 - A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most crazy things with
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
Day 12 - A picture of something you love
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity
Day 19 - A picture and a letter
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change
Day 25 - A picture of your day
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

You'll never know love unless you surrender to it

2011-02-13T22:14:00.000-06:00

I couldn't find a video for this scene but I really wanted to share it. This is from Fools Rush In. I actually just saw this movie for the first time tonight, I don't know why I've never watched it before. This scene between Isabel and her great grandmother very much spoke to me:

"-Nanita it was the right thing to do.

-It is not your faith that has betrayed you. It is your fear.

-I got lost... That's all. But now I make my own decisions.

-How selfish you are. To presume you know better than love.

-Nanita. He never would have left if he knew I was still pregnant. He wanted to go. I let him off the hook.

-No. You let yourself off the hook. You denied your heart and lied to the man you love. Why?

-...Because I had to. If I didn't leave him, he would have left me. I really don't think I could have handled that.

-Isa, You will never know love unless you surrender to it."

John Rzeznik, you've done it again

2011-02-11T00:20:00.001-06:00

Some of the lyrics to this song... they just really hit me. Hard.

"Let Love In"

You wait, wanting this world
To let you in
And you stand there
A frozen light
In dark and empty streets
You smile hiding behind
A God-given face
But I know you're so much more
Everything they ignore
Is all that I need to see

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

I wish
Wishing for you to find your way
And I'll hold on for all you need
That's all we need to say
I'll take my chances while
You take your time with
This game you play
But I can't control your soul
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to do without
The only way to feel again
Is let love in

There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to live without
The only way to see again
Is let love in

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

Ahh the Fifties!

2011-02-11T00:11:00.000-06:00

I don't normally do swimming or bathing suits or the beach or any such thing (Irish fair skin = major sun burn)... I prefer the cool and cold weather months myself. BUT, for this swimsuit, I do believe I could make an exception. I would actually adore wearing this! It is gorgeous! Hmmm... maybe I can think of something summery that I could attend or do or go to just for this....

Aghhh, modcloth! I have GOT to stop going to your site....

From a friend

2011-02-09T23:11:00.000-06:00

Found this on a friend's blog and stole it:

With thoughtlessness and impatient hands,
We tangle up the plans the Lord hath wrought.
And when we cry in pain, He says,
"Be quiet, My child, while I untie the knot."

Victorian Beauty

2011-02-09T00:52:00.002-06:00

I now own this. Be jealous. Be very jealous. ;) Isn't it so romantically victorian lovely?

Where the Literary and the Visual Collide

2011-02-08T23:45:00.002-06:00

Arghh! I am having a serious 90's flashback problem.... Something just really struck a chord with me last week when I listened to Slide by the Goo Goo Dolls. I have NO idea what happened, but apparently it was quite epic. And I do apologize to you if you are still somehow managing to read my blog even with all of these references to this band. Truly, I have no idea why this is occurring.... it's like some strange addiction, and I can't stop listening to them. What's worse is that I watch the videos to the songs on youtube and am strangely intrigued. Then, out of more curiosity, I go and research some of the meanings of the songs. For example, I was very curious about Black Balloon. It is just stuffed full of imagery and metaphor, and I had to know the story behind the song. I had a feeling it had something to do with drugs or another kind of addiction... apparently a lover's (or one of the guy's wives) had a heroin addiction and overdosed. Or supposedly, to quote wikipedia quoting Rzeznik, the song talks about "seeing someone you love that is so great just screw up so bad." And this is so bad, but the heroin overdose/seeing a loved one screw up take on the meaning only makes this song and its imagery more intriguing to me. Is that weird?? Yeah, probably. I feel like I did in my Modern Art in America class that I took as an undergrad. We talked A LOT about the 60's and about Andy Warhol and Edie Sedgwick and the drug scene. All about the influences on art from lifetsyles and the newfound "freedom" of that time period. Don't get me wrong, I have no desire to be a part of that whatsoever. But as weird as it sounds, it's just oddly and disturbingly interesting to watch/hear/learn about these people and their lifestyles.... The sadness is intriguing? There's really no way to say that without sounding really off. Ok, how about this-- something about how this era and these lifestyles influenced art is incredibly intriguing. I am the first one to tell you that I greatly dislike modern art. I think it is incredibly just screwed up in it's aim and method. BUT, for some reason, the connection and expression that people are able to find through artwork (and all that goes with it, i.e. symbolism, metaphor, imagery) is incredibly interesting to me. How someone can come up with a certain metaphor or analogy or symbol is just the coolest thing to me. I think that might be because I'm not as good at making up such things, rather I love to put a visual spin on it- let you the viewer see what my mind sees when I hear or read such a metaphor. So, to bring us back to Black Balloon (wow, we just danced all around modern art didn't we? something about drugs is most likely the cause... haha)-- phrases like the following are way cool to me, especially in light of their meaning and then the visual choices from the music video, crazy cool. Think about each separately as its own thought within its symbols and meanings and as a metaphor and such. So intriguing.

Baby's black balloon makes her fly

I almost fell into that hole in your life

You were the same as me, But on your knees

I saw the world spin beneath you

And scatter like ice from the spoon
That was your womb

That swallowed the light from the sun
Inside your room

And I go on as you get colder

Are you someone's prayer

And I'll go and lead you home and
And I'll become
What you became to me

The Sweetest Sadness in Your Eyes

2011-02-07T17:58:00.000-06:00

While this does not go along with the theme for my Monday Music choices that I decided on last week, I listened to this song (and this artist for that matter) for the first time today. This choice was too good to pass on and there is a sweet sadness in this song that really fits where I am right now... Maybe not exactly over what she describes but the loss and the change and the unknown and the empty haunted sighs are still there.

All my fears have pushed you out

2011-02-07T01:38:00.000-06:00

Isn't it ironic, or perhaps really cool, how God will use whatever it takes to reach us. Some lyrics from a song I was listening to (in my crazy goo goo dolls daze earlier today):

Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I killed myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

And I wished for things that I don’t need
(all I wanted)
And what I chased won’t set me free
(all I wanted)
And I get scared but I’m not crawlin’ on my knees

Oh, yeah
Everything’s all wrong, yeah
Everything’s all wrong, yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
Take these things, so I don’t feel
I’m killing myself from the inside out
And now my head’s been filled with doubt

We’re taught to lead the life you choose
(all I wanted)
You know your love’s run out on you
(all I wanted)
And you can’t see when all your dreams aren’t coming true
(Sympathy, Goo Goo Dolls from Gutterflower (Enh'd))

I couldn't see that I was sabotaging myself. My fears of rejection and hurt became lord over my life. And I pushed everything that resembled what I truly wanted out. I try so hard not to fail. I try so hard to get everything exactly right, because I thought that was the best way to avoid pain. But in my search for perfection, I messed up anyway... or even more so. I think God just wants us to live. To obey his commands and to surrender to his will, yes, but to also live. He promises he will direct our steps. Why am I trying so hard to convince myself that what I want must be not at all what God wants, simply because it's of me? Why can't it be that my desires become his desires when I seek to be in the center of his will? And even though I know all of this, especially that my fears have been ruling over me, how can I still doubt? It's like as soon as I move forward, satan throws whatever he can at me to try and halt my progress. I want to want God more than anything... but I feel that satan may try to be using this against me. Unless I know that this is what God wants from me, I feel forbidden to want it. But didn't I just get through figuring out that He directs my steps if my heart is willing? God, may I know you more... may I know and draw close to your heart.

I saw the world spin beneath you

2011-02-06T19:45:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure why the sudden obsession with the Goo Goo Dolls... It's like listening to one song that I hadn't heard in forever caused a domino effect of a need to listen to every song by them, only furthering my appreciation for this music (and for the beauty that is John Rzeznik ♥) Love, love, love this one...

My Saturday Morning

2011-02-06T00:37:00.010-06:00

consisted of the following:

I enjoy my life :)

Red

2011-02-05T12:58:00.002-06:00

I think I'm going to like this....

Little Pieces of the Nothing That Fall

2011-02-04T16:56:00.005-06:00

I'm not so sure when this became a music blog (haha, I feel like my friend Monika!), but I do like getting to "re-enjoy" certain music that I was afraid to officially "like" when it was new or semi-popular. People that liked said music were "those people." Haha.

But I totally love the Goo Goo Dolls ♥... always did :) Yesterday, Monika and I definitely rocked out to a fantastic collection of varying music while doing some cooking, and a series of songs by the Goo Goo Dolls, including this selection, was included.

Kinda makes you all giggly-girl and swoon-like, yes?

What's a Girl to Do?

2011-02-04T16:29:00.002-06:00

I really really dislike writing blog posts or posting anything at all anywhere on this subject matter. I hate broadcasting this portion of my life to the world. I'm starting to type this post and I'm not sure I will even post it. I might just keep it among the drafts, but I need to work through what I am feeling and currently, there seems no better way. My friend has been giving me some advice in a situation where I feel unsure about what God is telling me or asking me to do. It seems the only answer that I get from God is, "you're not listening to me" or "I already told you, and still, you're not listening to me." My friend tells me that in this situation, I should embrace what I am feeling- a feeling of very much being uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in not knowing what is going to happen, uncomfortable in fearing the worst, uncomfortable in accepting that my fears could actually be true. Just embrace what that feels like for a bit, and I will begin to see that my over analyzing thoughts are just that- irrational and overthought. And I do begin to see the irrationality of my thinking, but I guess I am so frustrated because this has slowly evolved into a situation that I can literally do nothing about. I hate relinquishing control. But really, I think I'm just coming to realize that I never had it. Not here anyway. And I search and search for something that I can control until I have warped and manipulated the only thing I could: myself. Why is it so hard to just be myself? Just be? I always think that I'm being me, but I look back and I never am. If I feel like I should try to be someone's friend, I will make myself outgoing or try to impress them. I can't just be me. I feel like "me" won't get noticed because I am too quiet, and I fade into the background. Noone wants a part of that. This is especially awful when the person you were trying to befriend and "impress" turns out to have so much in common with the real you. Now how do you redeem that situation??

But I have noticed a theme here. It's always about me. Never about the other person or others. So I find myself so worried and analyzing and focused on me that I can't actually relax and be me and let God handle the rest. I want to show God I have faith, I don't want to disappoint him. Faith without deeds is dead afterall, and I refuse to be a part of that. I also refuse to live my life "waiting" and then look back and question God, asking why did things turn out this way, only to have him reply because you didn't do anything to make it otherwise. Waiting is too "easy." You didn't do your part. You didn't act.

So I ask, what's a girl to do? I want so badly to just be myself and leave the rest to God. I want so badly to believe my fears are irrational. And I want so badly to believe that God will handle what I can't, that he will take over, that he will cover my messes and my misses and my lack of trying and lack of action. Simply, my lack of not at all knowing what to do.

God, I am trying to hear what I am apparently still not hearing. I am trying to listen. What should I do? And can you help me to just be me?

Oh, Psychology

2011-02-02T11:15:00.010-06:00

My friend and I were recently discussing why it is that we react to situations so differently... Mainly because she is extroverted and I am introverted. This has inspired a list of commonly misunderstood happenings in the life of an introverted person.

Ways You Can Help Your Favorite Introvert:

1. (Hopefully this will be the only rant-like sounding point, and hopefully it won't be that rant-like at all... I don't enjoy yelling at people...) Understand that Introversion and Shyness are not the same. Whilst one might often accompany the other, introversion vs. extroversion is really about how your brain takes in information about the world and where you obtain energy. Example: extroverts are energized by being in loud environments with lots of people. Introverts are energized from being by themselves. The opposites for each, drain them of energy. Someone that is introverted may love to be around people but this sucks the energy from them and the just need a moment to themselves to regroup. It all involves the path through the brain that information takes. To oversimplify, the pathway is longer/hits more emotion centers/etc in an introverted brain. The pathway is pretty direct through an extroverted brain (hence why they need more to stimulate their brains, i.e. noise, people, crazy feats, etc) The introverted brain has enough stimulation pretty much already.
Ok, I'm done with the psychology portion of this post, hope you aren't too bored with the random outpouring of information :) Can you tell I really like personality psychology?

2. We dislike mixers. They are stupid. Please refrain from ever doing them in a small group setting. Lol. And by mixers, I am referring to that question that someone asks at the beginning of a group meeting together to get people talking or get things going and then the group goes around the circle or room, and everyone has to give their answer. We are being forced to come up not only with an answer, but one that impresses. No, just don't do this. This will ease our apprehension that already exists in trying to figure out what all is going on while taking in mountains of information that wears us out. The reason we dislike mixers is number 3.

3. We cannot think of anything to say until like an hour after the fact. Yes, quite true. I think it really has to do with our brain being in overload and processing all of the people, what they are saying, how do I appear, what is the dynamic of this group, etc, and on and on and on. There is simply too much going on in my head and I cannot think of anything to say.

4. We are not snobby. Again, I cannot think of anything to say. It's not that I don't want to say anything, I really really want to! Please don't take my silence as me thinking I am better than you. Furthermore, if I can think of something to say, I am not quite convinced that it will actually add anything to the group. In fact, I may have a great idea. I may be an expert on the subject. But I probably won't say anything. A) because as soon as I open my mouth to say anything, it definitely does not sound right. B) because I would just prefer that we all write everything down instead. Can we make that happen? I write 10x better anyway... Yes? Possibly? Ok, well it was a suggestion...

5. Read this book: The Introvert Advantage. It explains things way better than I can. And even if you are not an introvert, you will go, AHA! I understand "so and so" now! That makes perfect sense!

Cheers!

Are You or Not?

2011-02-02T10:37:00.000-06:00

Had to post this video... I was just introduced to this group and this song- wow, punk-ish country?? Really? That is AWESOME. And furthermore, regarding the content of the song, I'm pretty sure that that's just the way it's gotta be. Sometimes, it seems, the girl has just gotta step up and get things rolling. Yes? Maybe? Ok, well it sure feels that way :) I'm not advocating that a woman pursue, but seriously gentlemen, do something. Haha. I don't normally write posts on this subject matter, but this song was just too good. Regardless of your opinion, enjoy!

Guilty Pleasures

2011-02-01T22:58:00.001-06:00

Musically speaking of course. I can't seem to get away from certain music that I love but normally would never admit in public to listening to. I'm sure we all have those... :) But lately, Monika has been encouraging the non-conforming musical side of me to come out of hiding... So the next few music posts that I do are going to be those guilty pleasures and oh-so-embarrassing picks. But you know, I think we really start getting to know each other once we dig deep enough to see stuff like this. I have two for today. Completely different genres. The first is pretty much one of those that you should be ashamed to tell people, haha. Harkens back to my jr. high days I believe... The second is actually a popular song right now, at least I think. I don't normally listen to the popular radio stations or check out what the "in" bands and music are right now, so I feel somewhat silly that I actually like a song that is well-liked right now. But I just love love love this song. Like I think it's a modern day swoon song... pretty much any guy could get me just with this song. And both of these choices are just too good to pass up... I won' tell if you won't ;)

Paper Kites

2011-01-29T23:20:00.000-06:00

Can you believe it? I actually managed to complete a color pencil piece!

The title is Paper Kites from a name commonly used for this type of butterfly (Idea leuconoe).
What do you think?

Planning Ahead

2011-01-29T23:02:00.000-06:00

Attention all those looking for a gift for my birthday (in March lol).

That is all.

A Beautiful Sunny Saturday

2011-01-29T22:38:00.007-06:00

Today was so wonderful. After it being so cold and dreary and rainy here for the last few days, today was perfect and bright and sunny and a surprising-for-january 70 degrees. So Monika and I took full advantage of the day until she had to go to work. We went to the Brooks to see the Book Binding exhibit and the Scholastics exhibit with some wonderful friends from our bible study group. Being at the Brooks is always so refreshing. Like just stepping out of the world for a moment and getting lost in the stories and histories and characters of the art. And seeing such wonderful pieces of art by high school students in the Scholastics exhibit is quite motivating.. I need to start putting the time and effort into my work that it deserves.

We also went to Starbucks and sat outside with some lattes.

Iced Caramel Macchiato and White Chocolate Mocha. Yum.

Such a good day! And we spent some time goofing off taking pictures (because yes we are just that cool, see pictures below)

See. Because we are just that awesome.

And this weekend is also wonderful because my sister and Monika are staying over with me. Here is a typical night with Bekah over....

Essentials.

Gibson's much?

We have too much fun in our cold weather accessories.

Orchard House

2011-01-27T00:48:00.001-06:00

I want to do something splendid before I go into my castle-something heroic, or wonderful-that won't be forgotten after I'm dead. I don't know what, but I'm on the watch for it, and mean to astonish you all, some day. -Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

I love love love this soundtrack from Little Women. I can listen to this music over and over. Also really great music to paint to :) Orchard House is so beautiful and full of charm and magic. It feels so classic and expectant and lovely. I think I have also decided that Little Women is going to be part of the Reading Contentment Challenge that I am joining in this year. It is such a wonderful book that deserves to be reread and reread.

And, further regarding the soundtrack.... I kind of want to one day walk down the aisle to Orchard House and leave to Under the Umbrella. Is that a little crazy? I'm pretty sure that this fact should say something significant about my personality :)
Anyway, my music of choice for today is Orchard House from the Little Women Soundtrack. Enjoy!

But There Is The Dream of Someone Else

2011-01-22T23:18:00.000-06:00

Of course from the title you must have guessed that I happen to be watching one of the best classic-favorite movies...

One of the best quotes of the movie. Alongside...
"-Don't cry ShopGirl.
-I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly."

*Sigh* Classic. That is all. No other purpose for this post. :)

Musical Monday (or Tuesday)

2011-01-11T23:16:00.001-06:00

Yeah. Tuesday, again. But this time, I think I have a really great excuse. Snow is a wonderfully beautiful excuse. As is spending the day drinking something warm in a coffee cup sitting inside watching it through the window. As is venturing outside a few times to play in it and gather enough for snow cream. As is admiring a magical part of God's creation that literally makes you stop and be in awe at his creativity. I need something whimsical and fantastical and lovely in honor of the snow for this week's musical choice.
Unfortunately this artist has no videos that I can find anywhere to use in this post so you will have to trust me when I say that you should definitely click on this link and go listen to these two songs. Or any other piece by this group. It is some of the best music to listen to when you want to inspire your creativity. I will probably, at some point, post about every song on their album. But here are today's Music choices (Be sure to click and go to the site and then listen!):

The Day Rachel was Born by Apouria

and
Theater of Human Life by Apouria

Snow Day!

2011-01-10T15:25:00.001-06:00

So magical. Peaceful and quiet and lovely.

My dog enjoyed the snow too... When she wasn't sinking in it :)

I think she wore herself out...

And I made snow cream!

It started melting after I added sprinkles.

You'll have to forgive all of the over excitement. We never get snow here, and I am loving the winter wonderland!

Moving Day

2011-01-07T00:35:00.000-06:00

The time has arrived folks. Tomorrow (or technically today) is the day. I will be moving to my home for the next year(ish)- I will be house sitting for that length of time. Pretty excited about having my own place. Packed yet? Absolutely not, ha. I mean, I think that's probably what I should have done during Christmas but then surgery happened and all that fun stuff, so here we are.
I am pretty excited about getting to have people over/play "Monica" (from Friends). OH. And I get my own kitchen.... I can feel lots of baking coming. And I am going to try to cook more as well. I even used one of my Borders gift cards that I got for Christmas on a new cookbook:

I so am ready for this new adventure :)

Musical Monday

2011-01-04T15:19:00.002-06:00

Yes, I know. It is not Monday. For whatever reason my brain never seems to grasp when it is actually Monday, because I plan on this post all week long. Then Monday comes around, and I actually remember thinking to myself (more than one Monday in fact), hmmm, now I need to decide which song to put on my blog for Monday.... Maybe I should have done something like "A Tune for Tuesday" or something like that. Regardless, I have like a billion songs that I have been planning to do for the past however many weeks it has been since I did this.

OH! But before I proceed, I need to tell you about my wonderful friend Kristina and her blog post! Kristina did a feature on my art and jewelry on her blog yesterday, and it is absolutely beautiful - it pretty much made my day or week or month :) Here is the link to the post : My Etsy Christmas And while you're there, check out her blog and become a follower - She's pretty awesome herself :)

And now, without further ado, this week's Musical Monday **drumroll please**

Sorry I couldn't find a better video to go with the song. I debated on which song of hers to put up here, and there were others that had actual videos. But I've been listening to her new album since I got it as a Christmas gift from my wonderful Monika, and this song has just stuck with me. It feels so light and fresh and airy and freeing.... like a new day and new beginnings. Maybe I'm just feeling that way overly much from the new year, but there are changes happening, and I'm loving the sense of "new"ness. So yay! The first of probably many Sara Bareilles songs to be included in Musical Monday. Enjoy!

Reading Resolution

2011-01-02T01:46:00.001-06:00

Still recovering from surgery (wonderful headaches!), I find myself definitely still awake when I should be sleeping. Fortunately, this gives me the opportunity to just browse through blogs and other page links that I find through blogs I already follow. I stumbled upon this challenge tonight. I think this is going to be wonderful, especially since there are several books, both in classical literature and christian fiction favorites that I have always meant to read again and that are definitely worth that second read. I think this is a resolution that I can actually keep! Here's the button to the challenge:

The Prodigal Blogger

2010-12-31T17:40:00.002-06:00

Indeed, after what seems like a long hiatus, I am back. Well, more or less. I really meant to finish the 30 day challenge but so many things started happening, and I ended up without a laptop while I was house sitting during the week of Christmas. And then after Christmas, in fact the day before yesterday, I had gallbladder surgery, and I have been recovering from that. So blogging and updating things just hasn't really been happening. I'm still working to get back to 100% after the surgery, so I am going to try to do some blogging and catching up in other areas while I'm chilling out. Hopefully I will be back in full swing on here and everywhere else pretty soon :) So I've got some new changes going on (like the new background? very jane austen/regency period i think!) and I'm going to try to put some things up in the next few posts that I missed out on doing during Christmas. This post is pretty much just going to be random happenings and such.

Isn't this pretty?....

I just thought this was so neat, maybe I'm easily amused. I took this of the tree where I was house sitting over Christmas, and I thought I was pretty cool.
Another picture of recent...

The sister and I :) after her senior progressive dinner. My little dear is all grown up!

While I have been indisposed and recovering from surgery, I have been spending some time doing just lazy things that I enjoy.... Mom and I watched Return to Cranford last night, my Christmas gift from my wonderful seester :)

I've also had the chance to just sit and read.

Today, I even watched a Notre Dame football game with my dad. Notre Dame beat Miami in the Sun Bowl- woot! I know, I'm normally not that crazy sports chick, and I continue to not be, but I can appreciate a Notre Dame football game every once and a while.

And finally, I will just end the catching up with a cheery under the tree picture from Christmas Eve.

Day 22 A Photo of My When I Wish Upon a Star One Day Wedding Plans

2010-12-14T22:21:00.000-06:00

Can I get married at one of the following locations? That is all I ask :)

A Talent of Mine and a Hobby of Mine, Days 20 and 21

2010-12-13T21:30:00.003-06:00

I currently don't have my laptop, which makes posting on a daily basis slightly more difficult. But I am here to catch up.

So, A Talent of Mine, or at least what I aspire to make a talent of mine and to be better at....

Bet you never could have guessed! :) This is kind of a big step for me.... I haven't shown any of these (at least in the state that they are currently in) to anyone really outside of my family. So, feel privileged... here is what I have been struggling over for the past few months, and have yet to complete. I don't in all honesty feel that they are my best, which is why I suppose I am loathe to let anyone else in on them. I fear being looked down upon as an artist that got worse instead of better after my success with my senior thesis exhibition. But onward I must go, so I am pressing through the muck and mire of lack of motivation, lack of inspiration, and lack of ...well, ironically, talent it feels like. Interestingly enough, I find that even though it takes so much just to get me to pull out my canvas and paints and brushes and such, once I get started, it truly is second nature to me. I feel like I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing, even if it isn't turning out wonderfully at this moment. Maybe this is my next great struggle that will take me to even greater heights as an artist in the future. Lately, I find myself pushing and fighting and arguing with myself and the paint and the medium over realism. I want my figures and skintones and details to be so much more realistic and I think that is the key of what is motivating me right now. If only I would learn to plan my compositions, maybe I wouldn't be in the predicament I am in right now....

So now, maybe a little commentary on each piece?

The first piece here is one of two pieces inspired by the poetry of Robert Browning. This piece specifically is to represent the Duchess in My Last Duchess. I won't post the poem in it's entirety, simply because it's so long, but if you get the chance, go read it. I am currently helping my sister with her research paper on Browning's poetry, and this is one of the pieces (as well as the other that I will discuss in a moment) that I have always been so fascinated by. I guess I could go ahead and mention the second piece since it is the one right after this one. The second painting is inspired by Porphyria's Lover. In both poems, the speaker is the male lover that for various reasons (ego, status, jealousy, fear) decides to kill his wife or lover. The speakers themselves, as well as the storyline, have always been so interesting to me. (Yes, I am aware of how morbid that must sound, but seriously, go read the poems!) What remains of the Duchess and Porphyria are images of beautiful women that are prized objects and possessions, trophies even, of these men. I really feel like I want these paintings to say something about the character of these women and who they are, how they are viewed by the reader/audience as a result of how the men describe them and how their loves react to "said" circumstances. I want to work on making the Duchess look more luxurious (her dress, etc) and fitting for the time period. The goal in the end, though, is to contain her within a frame (just as the Duke of Ferrara has essentially done), so I am painting a frame around her. I have actually considered leaving that frame and then painting frames repetitively inside of that one all the way to the center of the piece so that she is contained by the outside frame, yet standing out, literally from the series of frames.... symbolism? It's getting there. Porphyria is supposed to be lying dead and propped up by some pillows behind her. I've got her hair still lying around her neck (which is how her lover kills her- strangling her with her hair). But I think now that I've painted her in, I don't love how you see the front of her dress where her knees are...maybe that will improve once I get some of the folds and textures painted in.

Here are some verses from both poems...

That's my last Duchess painted on the wall,
Looking as if she were alive....

The depth and passion of its earnest glance,
But to myself they turned (since none puts by
the curtain I have drawn for you, but I)
And seemed they would ask me, if they durst,
How such a glance came there;

...Sir, 'twas not
Her husband's presence only, called that spot
Of joy into the Duchess's cheek...

...She had
A heart--how shall I say?--too soon made glad,
Too easily impressed; she liked whate'er
She looked on, and her looks went everywhere.

But passion sometimes would prevail,
Nor could to-night's gay feast restrain
A sudden thought of one so pale
For love of her, and all in vain:
So, she was come through wind and rain.
Be sure I looked up at her eyes
Happy and proud; at last I knew
Porphyria worshipped me; surprise
Made my heart swell, and still it grew
While I debated what to do.
That moment she was mine, mine, fair,
Perfectly pure and good: I found
A thing to do, and all her hair
In one long yellow string I wound
Three times her little throat around,
And strangled her. No pain felt she;
I am quite sure she felt no pain.
As a shut bud that holds a bee,
I warily oped her lids: again
Laughed the blue eyes without a stain.
And I untightened next the tress
About her neck; her cheek once more
Blushed bright beneath my burning kiss:
I propped her head up as before,

Ok, so moving on to the next piece...

This one I wanted to do something really unusual... almost sci fi -ish...with the moon/planet, the barren land behind the figure (which will eventually be all snow and snowy mountains). I really wanted to show the figure as being isolated and a snow/ice creature (again symbolism of isolation). I struggled over this figure for so long. I took this figure from a photo that I actually took, and maybe that is why I'm having so much trouble with it. In the original photo, the highlights and shadows on the face aren't very clear. Originally, her eyes are also open, but I just was not at all getting a sense of realism. So I ended up closing them. Still not loving it, but maybe it will get there.

Next is the one piece that I actually really kind of love. I have no idea why, but I really find a lot of myself in this piece when I paint it. Have no idea what it represents, I was originally just drawn to this figure. I'm finding I'm adding a lot of purples (which is also my favorite color, again finding myself in it). I'm thinking about making it a theme of amethyst, or titling it that. Perhaps making the pendant an amethyst stone and/or making a background that is within this theme and at the same time symbolic in some way. Really struggling on the background here though.... I think that is why the piece is taking a while to move through.

And finally, this piece I think I posted the beginnings of on here at some point. Yeah, it has completely changed. I believe originally it was going to represent the season of Autumn or Winter, can't remember which. I had no idea what to do with it, but I still really liked the figure. So Im in the process of adding pieces of butterfly wings as combs in her hair and making her hair a gray/blue color... both unusual things, and therefore I like them.

Another talent of mine I feel is writing. I love to write and I love all things literature. Had I not been an Art major in college, I would have chosen English. Maybe I will do a post that has some of the things I've written or some of the pieces that were chosen to be published in the literary magazine at my undergrad, CBU. Ooo, yay for ideas for blog posts!

So that is all I think I have for my Day 20 entry.... Now on to today, Day 21

I have a lot of hobbies... Some hobbies of mine include reading (surprise here again!), just finished this book by one of my favorite authors... definitely read it in about a day. Such a good one by her.

Another hobby of mine would be baking. Not cooking. Baking. Now don't get me wrong, I love to cook. But let's just say I'm better at the precise stuff, measuring and all that... Oh and I'm much better at the sweet stuff :) Baking is one of my very favorite things. Especially during the holidays. Oh, and especially with the organic, all-natural stuff. Just like in these two birthday cakes I made, the chocolate one (after is was cut and demolished) for my sister and the strawberry one for my brother.

And let's see, another hobby... Hmm I don't know if you can consider this a "hobby," but it's my blog so I will :) I love going to the theater and concerts and such.... like going to Theatre Memphis or the Orpheum or the Germantown Community Theater, or Playhouse on the Square, Ballet Memphis, GPAC, Opera Memphis... things like that. I hardly ever get to go nowadays, but I love love love going to these kinds of things. I'm one of those people that would get crazy excited if I got a season pass to the Orpheum or some such place as a gift (*hint hint*).

And lastly, I like to sew... This is a hobby that reminds me of being little and watching my grandmother sew... I would sit on the floor next to her rocking chair with my own scrap of fabric, a needle, and some thread, pretending I was sewing something lovely just like Memaw. One day, I would like to learn to quilt... And I still have quilt squares that were started by my grandmother and my great aunt that I would like to add to and make into a generational quilt. But for now, I continue to sew now as a hobby.

Wow, that was a long post! Ladies and gentlemen, the final talent and hobby of Jenna: Verboseness :)

Day 19 A Picture of Somewhere I’d Like to Travel

2010-12-11T23:01:00.003-06:00

Too many places to choose from! But these first 3 are a definite must...

Ireland, Scotland, and England

After these. I'd love to go anywhere in Europe.

I'd also really like to go to New Zealand to see where they filmed Lord of the Rings and Legend of the Seeker.

I would like to spin on the hilltops of Austria like Maria in the Sound of Music

I also believe I need to go to Alaska.

And I kind of have a need to see New England in the Fall

Day 18 A Photo of My Favorite Memory

2010-12-10T18:37:00.002-06:00

I have so many good ones.... But I think the memories of staying at my Memaw and Papaw's house in Somerville is one of my favorites. Basically we could do anything we wanted and we just played. We didn't sit around and watch TV (except The Price is Right!... Oh Bob Barker how I miss you).

I just remember my imagination being so vivid then. And if it makes any sense at all, I feel like God spoke to me there through nature.... it was like where God first began revealing himself to me, calling to me, wooing me, if you will. I've heard of other people that have had similar memories as children where God really called to them and spoke to them for the first times through nature. I just feel like so much of who I am and my personality comes from these days.

Gift Certificates

2010-12-10T00:58:00.003-06:00

I now have gift certificate listings in my shops! Woot! I've also thought about doing a giveaway here on my blog for one or both of these... Thoughts?

Don't they look festive?!?

Days 16 and 17

2010-12-09T23:53:00.003-06:00

A song that makes me cry. Hmmm.... I know that Danny Boy used to make me cry. Not as much now, but it did. So here is the link to most post about that song: Musical Monday, Danny Boy

This song by Enya at times does make me cry as well.... even though it is in Gaelic. I have read the translation, which does make it more sad (but in a good way!), but I think the overall mood of the song, the tone and the music, really touched me and made me emotional even before I read the words.

Here are the lyrics and translation:

Smaointe...	A Thought...
(D'Aodh Agus Do Mháire Uí Dhúgain) Éist le mo chroí, Go brónach a choích' Tá mé caillte gan tú 's do bhean chéile. An grá mór i do shaoil Treoraí sé mé. Bígí liomsa i gcónaí Lá 's oích'. Curfá: Ag caoineadh ar an uaigneas mór Na deora, go brónach 'Na gcodladh ins an uaigh ghlas chiúin Faoi shuaimhneas, go domhain. Aoibhneas a bhí Ach d'imigh sin Sé lean tú Do fhear chéile. An grá mór i do shaoil Treoraí sé mé. Bígí liomsa i gcónaí Lá 's oích'. Curfá Smaointe, ar an lá 'Raibh sibh ar mo thaobh Ag inse scéil Ar an dóigh a bhí Is cuimhin liom an lá Gan ghá 's gan ghruaim Bígí liomsa i gcónaí Lá 's oích'.	(To my maternal grandparents, literally: "For Hugh and Mary Duggan") Listen to my heart, Forever sad I'm lost without you and your wife. The great love in your lives [1] Will guide me. Be (plural) with me always Day and night. Chorus: Weeping due to the great loneliness The tears, sorrowfully Asleep in the quiet green grave In a deep peace. There was blissfulness But that is gone You followed Your husband. The great love in your lives Will guide me. Be (plural) with me always Day and night. Chorus A thought, on the day You were (both) at my side Telling tales Of how things were. I remember the day Carefree and happy [2] Be (plural) with me always Day and night.

Smaointe...

A Thought...

(D'Aodh Agus Do Mháire Uí Dhúgain)

Éist le mo chroí,
Go brónach a choích'
Tá mé caillte gan tú
's do bhean chéile.
An grá mór i do shaoil
Treoraí sé mé.
Bígí liomsa i gcónaí
Lá 's oích'.

Curfá:
Ag caoineadh ar an uaigneas mór
Na deora, go brónach
'Na gcodladh ins an uaigh ghlas chiúin
Faoi shuaimhneas, go domhain.

Aoibhneas a bhí
Ach d'imigh sin
Sé lean tú
Do fhear chéile.
An grá mór i do shaoil
Treoraí sé mé.
Bígí liomsa i gcónaí
Lá 's oích'.

Curfá

Smaointe, ar an lá
'Raibh sibh ar mo thaobh
Ag inse scéil
Ar an dóigh a bhí
Is cuimhin liom an lá
Gan ghá 's gan ghruaim
Bígí liomsa i gcónaí
Lá 's oích'.

(To my maternal grandparents,
literally: "For Hugh and Mary Duggan")
Listen to my heart,
Forever sad
I'm lost without you
and your wife.
The great love in your lives [1]
Will guide me.
Be (plural) with me always
Day and night.

Chorus:
Weeping due to the great loneliness
The tears, sorrowfully
Asleep in the quiet green grave
In a deep peace.

There was blissfulness
But that is gone
You followed
Your husband.
The great love in your lives
Will guide me.
Be (plural) with me always
Day and night.

Chorus

A thought, on the day
You were (both) at my side
Telling tales
Of how things were.
I remember the day
Carefree and happy [2]
Be (plural) with me always
Day and night.

The meaning of this phrase in this context is "the love that was shown by the two of you".
Literally "without need and without gloom".

I also think there are probably quite a few church songs that stir a lot of emotion within me, most of them being older hymns. Something about singing hymns sometimes just makes me feel so grounded... I feel like these are words that so many before me have found truth in.... Almost like the words and melodies echo the heart's cry of so many godly men and women, saints that now are rejoicing before their Father. In a way, they make me feel so close to my grandparents, my mom's mom and dad. I feel like they were such a pillar of faith in my own life and in the life of the church they were a part of. I feel like I'm back there, years ago, just a small child sitting on those pews next to my Memaw and Papaw. I can hear my grandmother singing "Tell Me the Story of Jesus." I can see my grandfather's old worn Bible.

This is one of those songs that brought me back to a firm foundation and a place of faith when everything in my life stopped making sense. This song spoke to my insecurity and my feelings of isolation and abandonment and loneliness during such a difficult time in my life:

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said—
To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?
“Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand.
“When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with thee thy trouble to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
“When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not harm thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.
“The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”

My favorite website would probably have to be one of the many blogs that I read. I really like these:
donmilleris
stuffchristianslike

And as of recent, I found this one:
rabbitroom

I also like Etsy a lot.... when I have money to just go shopping with :)

From an artistic point of view, I really like this blog:
womenpaintingwomen

Creativity... the Pressures and the Divine Intercession

2010-12-07T23:56:00.002-06:00

Watch this. Please. I know it's long, like 20 minutes or so. Truth is really put on display here. Even without being a "christian" clip, God shines through these words. I promise, if you are even a little bit interested in creativity and the creative process, this will be so good for you. It really is a beautiful way to begin trying to explain experiencing the mystery of God that is found within creativity.

“Allowing somebody, one mere person, to believe that he or she is the vessel, the font and the essence and the source of all divine, creative, unknowable eternal mystery is just a smidge too much responsibility to put on one fragile human psyche. It’s like asking someone to swallow the sun.” -Elizabeth Gilbert

Day 15 A Photo of Me and a New Friend I Met This Year

2010-12-07T17:38:00.000-06:00

This is Danielle and me at one of my art shows. I met Danielle through Stephanie, my sister-in-law, when Stephanie brought her along to this show. Danielle is an amazing photographer, and I need her to take pictures for me to paint from! Yay for new and artsy friends!

All the Cool Kids Are Doing It

2010-12-06T23:25:00.002-06:00

So I shall too. Make a Christmas Wish List that is. Although I think mine might be a tad predictable and boring... I'm one of those people that is completely happy with a few books, a scarf, and a gift card to Borders (for more books :) shocker....) But, if you haven't already guessed, I am quite the visual person. I must have my pictures! So here goes my photo wish list....

The most wonderful Josh Groban has a new album, just in time for Christmas

A few books I've been admiring from afar...

And some holiday inspired reading

The final addition to my most beloved Masterpiece Theater collection of favorite literature made into movies

I have wanted this movie for so long! One of my favorite old movies.

Love this slouchy hat by Pixiebell

It is purple and lovely (made by CozyHomeCrochet)

Also lovely and purple (notice a theme here?), a beautiful bolero by MagnolijaDRESS

A chunky scarf by KnitFrekkles

Crochet fingerless gloves and a cozy capelet, both by homelab

And finally, I have admired these yarn bangles by mysticfibers for some time. They are too much fun :)

What about you? What's on your wish list this year?

Musical Monday, Danny Boy

2010-12-06T22:14:00.001-06:00

I know, I know. I post about Celtic Woman all the time now it seems.... But this song has been stuck in my head for a while now. It is so beautifully sweet and hopefully sad (if that makes any sense at all). I have wanted to paint something inspired by this for a long time. Something full of wishing and longing, mourning and keeping, holding something hushed and deep inside..... It's so hard to put into words what this song makes me feel. But I do love it....

Day 14 A Photo of a Person I’d Love to Trade Places with for a Day

2010-12-06T21:20:00.001-06:00

I'm honestly having a hard time picking someone for this. I really like being me.... not to sound arrogant or anything. I'm just having a hard time imagining being someone else....

BUT. I am currently watching Celtic Woman on PBS (again!), and I just think these are such lovely ladies. Maybe I would be one of them. Beautiful accents, gorgeous voices, they get to wear the most awesome dresses, so so pretty themselves, and fun spelling of names. I would pick Chloë first, then Lisa. Or I might go with one of the past members, Méav. Also, I would not mind having the talent to play the violin like Máiréad.

Catch Up Time

2010-12-05T23:12:00.001-06:00

Yikes! I am a little behind on my days here...

I missed Day 11 with a photo that makes me sad or angry, but like my wonderful friend Kristina (Little Baby Bug) I am going to decline this post. I agree with what she said about having to come back to my blog to continually find such an image here, and I really don't want that.

So, Day 12- Something I am OCD about....
Hmmmm, so much germy things to choose from! Haha.Yes, indeed... I'm a tad OCD about germs. Well certain kinds. I'm not one of those people that will one day over-sanitize any and everything that my children touch. There are just certain things imparticular that have bothered me since I was a child, and I really didn't realize it fully until I was older. I did always wonder why I was uncomfortable sleeping in hotel beds for instance.... I cannot stand most hotels. Weird, right? Makes traveling such a fun experience. I don't want to sound high maintenance, it is just one of those super weird things. Unless it is a super nice hotel, I cannot sleep in a hotel bed. I have actually, literally, put on like three layers of clothes, including the hood of my sweatshirt and two pairs of socks when I had to stay in a not so great hotel bed. And I didn't sleep all night. Similarly, I don't really like movie theaters because of the seats. I mean, don't get me wrong, I go to the movies every once in a while with friends, but am a tad uncomfortable the whole time. As a child, I wouldn't lean my head back on the seat. It just bothered me, because, like the hotel bed, you don't know who or what has been there.... In general, I think it is anything that has been used by the masses that involves fabric. Like those plush chairs at Starbucks... yeah, no. It's something to do with the idea of germs and/or many other things living/growing/being collected.... over time.... Yeah ok, I'm done.

And now for Day 13- What is currently in my purse...
Lol, oh dear, this really should be interesting. Can I just mention beforehand that I am sorta kinda one of those people that forgets to clean my purse out? Ok, my purse contains the following...
-My wallet
-A book by Tamera Alexander, Within My Heart (I always bring a book everywhere I go, you just never know...)
-My moleskine journal/sketchbook/notebook
-My moleskine calendar
-Burt's Bees chapstick/lip balm
-Trident Gum
-My ipod
-Keys
-Two black pens, one blue (and one of which says Reba Boackle David for SFSLAC president... haha!)
-Checkbook
-A myriad of receipts from everywhere
-My instructions for the Art for Hope show that I was in... like 4 weeks ago... yeah...
-A pair of pink crochet fingerless gloves that in all honesty do nothing to keep my hands warm, but, they are really pretty :)
-A random bracelet... honestly no idea where that came from? I bet I was holding it for someone. If you are missing a bracelet, this one has a peace sign charm thing and is set on a brown cord of sorts. I believe it attaches with a silver button thing with the label Fossil. I also believe my purse just became the Lost and Found. Nice.
(And all of this brings me to something else that I am OCD about. Yes I know, totally not part of this day's post, but I am extremely OCD about where I set my purse down. I mention this because I'm typing on my laptop sitting in bed and am having an extremely difficult time finding what is in my purse exactly, because I refuse to set my purse down on my bed. I refuse to set my purse down a lot of places, because, honestly, think about where you will set it down (kitchen table, counter, couch, etc) then think about where your purse has been. I do not wish to eat on that same surface. Or sleep on that same surface. Getting back into the bed OCD thing, I am sooooo particular about my own bed too. My sheets. And pillows. Once they are clean they don't touch certain surfaces. I also only wear my bed time or lounge around the house clothes in my bed. No, wear-outside clothes. Ok, I'm really done with the OCD thing this time.)

Creativity and Artist's Block

2010-12-03T14:14:00.001-06:00

I have been struggling so so much with "artist's block" lately and have tried more times that I can count to cure myself of it. I've tried disciplining myself, making myself paint everyday. I've tried looking at other work by artists that I admire. I've tried reading inspiring words and passages, quotes and books. I have tried looking through images I find inspiring. I have tried forcing compositions. I have tried talking with other artists. I have tried doing nothing, in hopes of letting creativity "naturally flow." All of this to no avail. I am in an artistic rut. I will be honest and admit it. A friend and I really delved into this issue last night, trying to figure out why it is that I am in this place. The best that I have been able to do to get out of said rut is to paint (or at least begin paintings...) that I know I could never sell or do anything with because the images aren't mine. Practice pieces if you will. And they've turned out really so much better than all the others I've recently started. And overall, they are not bad. I'm still a little frozen when it comes to finishing them, but they are way beyond my other "messes," and I still have a somewhat interest in them (good sign). But still. something paralyzes me.

I told my friend that in the past, I have always felt like it is God who creates my artwork. I honestly feel that I start painting, and then a few hours later, I "wake up" and find this piece.... I'm just like wow... who did that? I used to call it "happy accidents" because I had no idea how they happened. Now I know that it's God. I feel like my painting, my creativity, is the moment where God meets me. And he takes over, and does amazing things.

Which is why when I can't seem to have these "moments," I feel a little abandoned by God. I don't understand why nothing is happening.

Then my friend hit on something quite interesting. Recently, I have posted none of the pieces I have been working on, here or on facebook or anywhere. I have barely let my family see what I've been working on. And I feel that the result is much better paintings and the fact that I am still somewhat interested in finishing them. My friend, as a result, noted that I base a lot of my talent on the opinions of others. I measure myself against my old pieces because I know those are already accepted. I fear failing now. I fear being a bad artist in front of others. I fear that in their eyes, somehow, I became worse instead of getting better. As I think of myself (and by default, my art) so shall others see me.

I read this post by Donald Miller today, and I thought it so relevant that I really needed to share....

The Great Stumbling Block of the Creative Mind

The great stumbling block of the creative mind is the awareness of self from the perspective of others. Self awareness isn’t the enemy, because we are in fact masterworks of God, but rather the overemphasis regarding what others think of us. When we think too much about the opinions of others, we are letting them edit a book God has written.
In his introduction to C.S. Lewis’ sermon The Weight of Glory, Walter Hooper says Lewis was not capable of writing a great work until he converted to Christianity, not because only Christians create great work (obviously) but because his conversion marked an inner change in which he ceased to take much interest in himself.
In an age in which we can project an image and score that image based on immediate Facebook and Twitter feedback, thus making a video game of life and a false-reality composed of lies, what gets lost is a joyful obsession with the work we create from the purest of motives, a sheer joy in the act of creation itself that causes us to lose ourselves in something else, and in a way die to ourselves over the absolute love of a thing we are breathing into life.

You can find Donald's original post here:
donmilleris.com

Day 10 A Photo That Makes Me Happy

2010-12-02T23:52:00.000-06:00

This was the evening.... the moment.... that I knew. This is what I want to do the rest of my life. This is what I was created to do.

Day 9 My Dream Home

2010-12-01T21:07:00.001-06:00

A cottage... in Europe :)

Or an English manor house..

A cozy inside...

And I've always wanted the floor to ceiling built in bookshelves that cover a whole wall...

And have I mentioned that I love windows?

More Celtic Woman

2010-12-01T13:07:00.003-06:00

Can you really ever get enough? Haha... you probably can, but right now I'm all about it. I think I get addicted to it at least twice a year- now, when PBS shows their tour, if not once then twice a week, for their pledge of support thing. Which brings me to the second time of year, when I go to the Celtic Woman concert at the Orpheum, because I just about always pledge the amount to PBS to get tickets with the most amazing seats. I have a constant Celtic Woman fund that goes all year long because I know I will be getting tickets once again! It is the one show/outing/event that I do every year :)
So... to appease my current addiction... And aren't you lucky today? You get two for one!

Day 8 My favorite Quote

2010-11-30T19:27:00.000-06:00

I'm not very good at documenting or remembering quotes that I really like, although you would think I would be that type of person.. I normally come across something, and I'll underline it if it's in a book. Or a phrase/quote will run through my mind for a few days if it's something I hear, and it's really good. Therefore, I can't exactly say that the following is my all time favorite, but I came across this recently and really liked it.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Nelson Mandela inauguration speech, originally Marianne Williamson

A Musical Monday, Harry's Game

2010-11-29T23:18:00.004-06:00

I think I'm going to try an experiment... I like the idea of regularly posting music that is inspiring to me as an artist and that I can create to and paint listening to. So, on Mondays, as often as I can remember, I am going to try to post music that is inspiring to me. This will also be good for me in that I'm going to have to look for things to inspire me... a very good part of disciplining myself in the creative process.
So, shall we give it a try?

Today's music is from Celtic Woman. I watched the PBS Celtic Woman Special tonight, I think they were doing their "Greatest Journey" tour. Since it was one of their old tour videos, it made me want to go back and listen to some of my old Celtic Woman. While listening to their self-title album, I came across Harry's Game, which is all in Gaelic. It is wonderful.... mystical and earthy....mysterious.
I also found some background info on the song itself: "The lyrics to the song were written to depict the story of The Troubles among all sides in Northern Ireland and the future of the sides (Nationalist, Republican, Unionist and Loyalist). The lyrics, derived from an ancient text from Galway, explain how in war and in violence, no side will win - that all lose." The lyrics and translation are included at the end of the post.
I'll let you have a listen, and you can tell me what you think...

Harry's Game

Imtheochaidh soir is siar
A dtainig ariamh
An ghealach is an ghrian

Fol lol the doh fol the day
Fol the day fol the day

Imtheochaidh an ghealach’s an ghrian
An Daoine og is a chail ’na dhiadh

Fol lol the doh fol the day
Fol the day fol the day

Imtheochaidh a dtainig ariamh
an duine og is a chail ne dhiadh

Fol lol the doh fol the day
Fol the day fol the day

TRANSLATION:

I will go east and go west
From whence came
The moon and the sun

The moon and the sun will go
And the young man

With his reputation behind him
I will go wherever he came from -
The young man with his reputation behind him

Day 7 A Picture of Me and the Person I Have Been Closest with the Longest

2010-11-29T22:54:00.007-06:00

I think this is going to be a toss up among lots of people.... And I have to share that at this point, I feel that the rules of this entire all about me thing obviously went out the window a few days back, because while the title asks for the one person, I cannot choose because I am close to all of these people and have been almost all my life.

My sister, Rebekah

Brittany that I have known forever....
I need to find some pictures of us in the kindergarten era!

(The Brittany-Jenna combination rocked high school by the way!)

My lovely Monika

Old School Us :) .... Workcamp!

My brother, Joshua

My Mom

And now, just some pictures of my family and friends that I have always been very close to. Love you guys!

Jane Eyre

2010-11-29T18:18:00.000-06:00

So excited about this! The trailer for the new Jane Eyre movie is out!

Obedience.... Or the Lack Thereof

2010-11-29T11:18:00.002-06:00

As odd as I know this is about to sound, I think last night, God scolded me. Or maybe that doesn't sound odd at all. When God asked Israel to do something or when God asked one of his prophets to do something, and neither did it, God didn't just say well that's ok...maybe we'll find something else for you to do. Or, maybe next time we'll get it right. No, I'm pretty sure Jonah didn't have that luxury. Neither did Gideon, despite God having to reassure him with the fleece. And no matter how many excuses he had, neither did Moses.

God told me to do something. He told me the direction I should go. I stalled, doubted, got stressed, worried, became sick, and then just ignored God. But I am here to tell you, that probably won't work. Actually, I'm pretty sure that the scolding I just received is evidence enough that I am going to have to start doing what God asked.

I think the reason I have been so "dissatisfied" or "frustrated" with what I've been doing have been small words from God. I feel like he was gently trying to remind me that I still hadn't obeyed. Yet for whatever reason, I took my frustration to mean I should look for something else or try harder. Yesterday this all came to a screeching halt when I got so overwhelmed to the point of being plain angry. I don't normally get so worked up, and I don't get angry/annoyed this easily.... I knew we had a problem when I started biting at people I love. I never do that. Something in me just got so angry at where I am and what I have been doing. And then when I realized how I was acting, and that I was acting this way out of pure panic, I think God cleared the fog.

"....Ummm... hello Jenna? Really? You think everything is going to be A-OK when you disobey? Absolutely not! What have you been doing?? This is NOT what I asked you to do. You know what you were supposed to be doing. Why did you doubt me? Why do you still doubt me? Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. And I'm going to need to you to stop this other mess immediately..."

In other words, this is your final warning before I bring on a very large fish.... Catching on yet?

And here I thought that putting things off wasn't technically disobeying.... How very wrong I was.

Day 6 My Favorite Book

2010-11-28T19:58:00.002-06:00

Arggg... these favorite ones are too difficult to choose for! Reading is pretty much my favorite thing, Borders is my hang out spot, and you want me to choose my favorite book?!?

Well, if I must....

Actually, no. I'm just going to do another list of favorites :)

So I love love love reading Christian fiction, especially historical fiction, and this would be my all time favorite of that genre

But I also love just about ANYTHING from the authors of these...

I want to read....
(I know this wasn't exactly included in the question, but I can't help myself...)

(I know, I am such a girl....)

And I cannot forget to include some of my classic favorite books

Day 5 My Favorite TV Show

2010-11-27T22:02:00.001-06:00

My favorite show to watch right now is Law and Order SVU

But I think I'm going to include some of my other favorites too :)

And I'm pretty sure that seems as though I watch A LOT of TV.... Hmmmm... I think instead, it is that I just really know what I like :)

Day 4 A Photo of Me as a Child

2010-11-26T21:51:00.000-06:00

I'm thankful for...

2010-11-25T23:11:00.001-06:00

these guys :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Day 3 My favorite movie

2010-11-25T22:48:00.000-06:00

Unfortunately, I simply cannot pick one... So I am breaking the rules :)

Day 2 My Favorite Song

2010-11-24T22:31:00.000-06:00

This is so very hard to choose because I tend to like different music for different reasons, so I will just pick my new favorite song. Yesterday, I was reading through some of the blogs that I follow, and someone had posted this song. I instantly fell in love. This is just such an artistically beautiful song... I posted it to my facebook immediately with the words, "I can see wintry compositions... cool colors, icy blues, windy purples, and snowy teals... I do love painting wintertime." This fits and so much more, I love the overall mood and emotion that the song evokes... it is such a hopelessly lovely piece.

Winter Song by Sara Bareilles with Ingrid Michaelson

My Evening

2010-11-24T01:09:00.001-06:00

I know, as interesting as the title of this post sounds, you are going to get a post about what my evening consisted of... Brace yourself for some major excitement ;)

First of all, there was wonderfulness in yummy cookies... The chocolate chip cookies my sister brought to me, and the chocolate cookies are supposed to be chocolate cannoli cookies with pistachios. I made those this past weekend, and I had extra filling so I just put it on top of one of them :)

I worked on packaging up some goodies for a lovely customer in my etsy shop. Especially fun this time of year. The results:

And I added a little suprise gift with her necklaces...

I so enjoy wrapping for the holidays... Probably one of my favorite things to do. I get so excited giving a gift that is wrapped up beautifully and creatively. It makes the magic and wonder and love of giving and receiving that much more memorable and wonderful :)

Day 1 – A Recent Photo of Me

2010-11-23T20:43:00.002-06:00

This is probably THE most recent photo of me, taken at Art for Hope, at charity art show that benefitted Hope House. I got to sell a few of my pieces here :)

Not the best quality photo, I think it was taken on my dad's iphone. But you get the idea :)

All About Me... 30 Day Challenge

2010-11-23T20:39:00.000-06:00

...because you could never get enough Jenna :) I saw one of my friends doing this, I decided to join in the fun. And perhaps I will now blog regularly... at least during this 30 days. Here we go!

Ever wonder who your blogger friends really are? Wonder no more! We've put our own spin on the "All About Me in 30 Days" blogging memes floating around to share a little bit of ourselves with our friends.

This 30 day challenge begins today and ends on December 24th.... if you miss a few days, just play catch up! No pressure :) Be sure to grab the button so we know you are participating - post it anywhere on your blog or in each daily post! Be sure to link up below and join in on the fun!

Day 1 – a recent photo of you

Day 2 – your favorite song

Day 3 – your favorite movie

Day 4 – a photo of you as a child

Day 5 – your favorite television program

Day 6 – your favorite book

Day 7 – a picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

Day 8 – your favorite quote

Day 9 – your dream house (description or photo!)

Day 10 – a photo that makes you happy

Day 11 – a photo that makes you angry/sad

Day 12 – something you are OCD about

Day 13 – a description of what's currently in your handbag/purse/diaper bag!

Day 14 – a photo of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day

Day 15 – a photo of yourself and a new friend you met this year

Day 16 – a song that makes you cry

Day 17 – your favorite website

Day 18 – a photo of your favorite memory

Day 19 – a picture of somewhere you’d like to travel

Day 20 – a talent of yours

Day 21 – a hobby of yours

Day 22 – a photo of your wedding/future wedding plans

Day 23 – a photo of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

Day 24 – a recipe

Day 25 – your worst habit

Day 26 – a photo of where you live

Day 27 – a photo of someone you could never imagine your life without

Day 28 – your hopes, dreams, plans for the next 365 days

Day 29 – a picture of something you want to do before you die

Day 30 – it's Christmas Eve! post a photo of what's under your tree this year!

House sitting + GMC = Dr. Quinn

2010-11-22T20:40:00.000-06:00

So, I get excited about house sitting because this means I get the Gospel Music Channel and can watch Dr. Quinn .... Does this make me a nerd? Yes? Ok then..

Rebekah is Now a Model

2010-11-21T19:48:00.000-06:00

Well, at least as of today when she modeled for my new shop pictures :) She was a good sport, and I think they turned out pretty well! Check out some of the new pics! And way to go Bekah! I thank you much!

With You There is Forgiveness

2010-11-17T21:57:00.002-06:00

I was reading through some of the Psalms the other day, and I came across Psalm 130. I guess I've either never read this Psalm or God allowed me to gain something new from this reading. If you've read many of my previous blog posts, you know to some extent how I struggle when thinking about/understanding fearing God or the Holy fear of God as it relates to guilt, shame, fear of punishment, etc. I've been reading a lot lately about not being a lukewarm Christian and trying to do exactly what Jesus commands in the gospels. And I know so many, if not most areas of my life, I am quite guilty of being that lukewarm Christian. The motivation, though, to change my actions should be love, not fear of punishment for disobedience. But oftentimes, fear of hell will completely outweigh any feeble attempt at radically loving God that I could possibly have. Yet we are told that God is love, we are saved by grace, none of us is perfect- all falling short of the glory of God, and the sacrifice of Jesus continuously washes us clean from all sin. Where sin increases, grace increases all the more (but by no means is this reason to continue to sin, "we died to sin; how can we live it in any longer?"). And standing right next to words of grace and love and forgiveness are commands to fear God; fear God and keep his commands. Not that I have issue with this, but it is the motivation of obeying God, of keeping his commands that will determine how we live as effective or ineffective Christians."These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught." I have to confess, I want to love God so radically that I will want to do some of the hard things he commands. Afterall, "Faith without deeds is dead." But I am slowly beginning to understand that it is God that will have to create this powerful radical love within me. It's not something I can discipline myself to do, because then it really comes back to just doing something else out of fear.
BUT, back to the verse I mentioned earlier, I always find that my mind gives fear the connotation of punishment, shame, guilt, etc. And I try so hard to understand the Holy fear of God, and how this can not just relate to, but be an attribute of a God that is love. I came across Psalm 130, and while I do not by any means claim to understand this verse or its meaning completely, I do feel like God is trying to help my heart understand, and not "fear" in the sense that I normally do.

³ If you, LORD, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?
⁴ But with you there is forgiveness,
therefore you are feared.

I just find it so interesting that the NIV translates verse 4 in this way. It almost seems to be saying because God offers forgiveness, he is to be feared and we can look upon him with reverence. I won't offer any great explanation or literary criticism or whatever Bible scholars call it (exegesis?) but I suppose that in my mind, the reason to fear God was always because he would punish.... And this seems to turn my understanding upside down. Fear God because he offers forgiveness? For me this offers so much hope and encouragement. I hope you will join me in thinking about and meditating on this verse, praying for a better understanding. Opinions and explanations are definitely most welcome here.

Holiday Inspired

2010-11-17T17:37:00.000-06:00

I know, I know.... Thanksgiving is not even over and I'm posting something Christmas-y. I'm really trying my hardest to resist turning on my Josh Groban Noel cd, and I fortunately was able to say no when tempted to buy eggnog today at Whole Foods. BUT... I do love the colors of Christmas so I've been feeling like making some holiday inspired jewelry. So indulge me a little with some early Christmas cheer and bare with me here! And maybe do some Christmas shopping too :)

White Night

2010-11-12T16:45:00.002-06:00

This is a treasury that one of my necklaces is featured in today. This collection really blew me away because of the gorgeous color combinations and very wintry theme. I think it's perfect for a little early winter charm. Just lovely!

'white night.' by CLoVeN

electric pole in the sn... sarahreidphoto $10.00	Stud Earrings - Winters... SoleDeVita $8.00	Blue felt wool acorns w... CityCrochet $12.00	Too Much Freezing 5x7 m... TheTwoMinds $10.00
Blue Velvet Krista snow... LadybugSF $32.00	manchester - a medium c... bungaloe $60.00	Holiday Tree Ornament -... PeanutButterPi... $25.00	winter wonderland- orig... leverettfinn $30.00
NAVY BLUE Itty Bitty Ha... bellasbowtique... $14.99	EVERGREENS - One Limite... redbirdink $20.00	Meredith and Tyler... w... jaymefort $1.95	Winter's Eve jenmarie0324 $36.00
Cobweb Felted Lacy Wrap... FeltedPleasure $65.00	in the navy earrings - ... whoop $18.00	Navy Blue and White Art... orangeandyello... $8.00	Hand Embroidered Snowfl... SeptemberHouse $170.00

Generated using Treasury HTML code generator by Whale Shark Websites.

Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art

2010-11-10T01:32:00.001-06:00

I just finished watching Bright Star, a movie about the poet John Keats and the love that inspired one of his most famous poems, his love with Fanny Brawne.
I've seen the movie before, it is one of my favorites, but, without spoiling too much of the ending, I will just say that it is a movie that always makes me cry. This makes me wonder or really want to ask, why do we watch movies that we know are going to make us sad? Or maybe I'm alone in this, but I do know that there are at least a few movies that I know the ending is going to be sad, and yet, I watch anyway. And I guess this could just as easily apply to books. Granted there are also several movies that I know end in a way I don't like, and that I refuse to see to the end. But, knowing how Bright Star ends, I still wanted to watch it anyway. And I count it among the story lines that are completely hopeless, and yet....
Perhaps I'm just digging for a profound answer or something psychological to explain away these actions, but truly, within myself, whether within movies or books, what causes me to walk down such a road? I think a lot of human nature can be observed in this, again, at least in my case. I find myself taking certain paths in life that I also feel I already know the ending and it is not what I would prefer. Is it hope? Hope for a different ending. Hope for a better ending. Hope for a change. Hope that maybe this time, John Keats will return to London in the Spring. Hope that love will conquer all.

Maybe Hope is what motivates the creative spirit that fails many more times than succeeds. Maybe Hope is what motivates the Romantic to open her heart again knowing the hurt has hit more times than healing can catch up or more times than wholeness or acceptance happens. Hope is what believes. Hope gives the heart reason to thrive.

Or, maybe the reason we walk into such an existing dilemma is that we find anything is worth the joy of that one moment- the moment when all is well, everything is as it should be. We hold that moment like a treasure buried away, locked inside, hidden within our hearts. These moments see us through the sad days, through the storms, and through the silences. Such moments are worth ten thousand heartaches, if that is the price that should be paid.

And maybe what is more, all of the pieces of moments make up the daily living of our lives. The sadness lets us know we are still human, that the others that surround us share in this experience also. They can feel the dripping rain making our bones heavy with drenching wet clothes sticking on our skin. Yet they too can feel the rays of warmth in a cloudless day, our eyes blinking to take in the brightness and the light, eyelashes fluttering like butterfly wings. The cold drizzly rainy days are embraced all the more as they heighten the joy of shimmery clouds like organza flitting across a sunny day. We want to feel every muscle tense alongside these characters, hear hearts pounding in our ears and the small catch of breath, for then we too may better embrace our own heart's love, burning like the brightest star.

"Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art--

Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like nature's patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors--
No--yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever--or else swoon to death."

John Keats

Mom's Pumpkin Whoopie Pies

2010-11-09T20:42:00.000-06:00

Ingredients:
2 cups of flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ginger
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup softened butter
1 1/4 cup sugar
2 eggs (room temperature)
1 cup pumpkin
1 teaspoon vanilla

For Filling:
4 oz cream cheese
6 tablespoons softened butter
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 1/2 cup powdered sugar

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Beat softened butter and sugar. Add eggs one at a time. Then add pumpkin and vanilla. Whisk together dry ingredients in a separate bowl and then add to the wet ingredients. Place spoonfuls onto baking sheet and bake for 10 minutes. These should have a cakey texture.
Wait until outside pieces are completely cool. Then mix together ingredients for the filling. Use the filling to ice half of the outside pieces and then top the iced "cakes" with another piece to complete your whoopie pie.
Share these bits of fall with someone you love to warm your day.

Purple is Still My Favorite Color

2010-11-09T12:35:00.007-06:00

Last night was just a night to chill out and spend a quiet evening watching movies-- The Young Victoria and Masterpiece Theater's Persuasion, two of my favs ♥-- and also, working on a new necklace. I have to be honest, I think that I spend my time making jewelry and sewing when I'm experiencing "artist's block" with my painting. I can't seem to come up with a good idea for a new painting, or I can't find the motivation to work on one that I've already started..... I'm in one of those times when it feels like everything I put on the canvas is just yuck... I've even been more diligent with my color pencil pieces because I can't seem to paint. I've heard that part of artist's block is fear, and I know that fear itself is one of the greatest inhibitors to creativity. Maybe I'm afraid that what I make now won't be as good as the pieces I made for my senior exhibition. Being in the shadow of your past work is such a scary and depressing place to be for an artist. I have actually been avoiding looking at my old paintings or even images of my old paintings, because I constantly compare myself with what I was. Anyway, all of this to say, I think that I'm just going to ride out the artist's block.... see where it takes me and just do what feels natural. I know this very much goes against the discipline of most (if not all) artists to make yourself have studio time, but right now, I'm just not feeling anything. Maybe some time spent on thinking of other things will do me some good. Afterall, I did (do) find most of my inspiration from just ordinary things that I love or love to do- not from a forced session of creativity. Hence my quiet evening watching movies and sewing last night..... consisting of these:

And

*Sigh* Such wonderful storylines.... I know, I'm such a girl right now :) But both are very inspiring in reminding me that you really should not be forced to be someone you're not, just to try to impress someone or to get them to have feelings for you... Yeah, a lot of what I will take from these movies is obviously very telling of where I am personally. But nonetheless.... so love these two ♥

And my piece I made last night during my mini movie fest;

Violet. Lavender.

Lilac. Plum.

Mulberry. Mauve.

Orchid. Amethyst. Indigo.

No matter the shade,

Purple is still my favorite color.

Winter Inspired

2010-11-08T18:50:00.001-06:00

I've got some new pieces in the jewelry shop this week, and a few of them are very wintry. I love colors that remind me of winter's chilly charms, with deep blues and subtle whites. Frosty color schemes just happen to be some of my favorites :)

And here's another new piece, with a wonderful antique and old lace feel.

And finally, a fall-inspired headband that is now a part of my end of fall sale

Snuggie = Success

2010-11-06T22:21:00.001-05:00

Yes, that is correct. My dog has a snuggie. But at least she is warm in this sudden winter weather.... It was a clearance Christmas gift from last year. I think she appreciates it :)

Redbubble Sale-Woop Woop!!

2010-11-04T00:01:00.001-05:00

Apparently Redbubble is doing a sale with a discount code for my artwork only through November 14. Check it out and use this code----

JennaDavid_is_on_sale_1868

Check out JennaDavid's portfolio here

............Haha... totally updating this post. I just read the coupon code. Apparently I'm on sale? Nice. Lol

Great Thoughts

2010-10-29T00:00:00.001-05:00

Wow, this author/blogger has really nailed it. This is SO how I feel sometimes... and not just about my art. Such a blessing to have the reminder that God is on our side..
Check out this post: Ignoring the Soundtrack

Seven Life Lessons

2010-10-21T23:30:00.002-05:00

More Color Pencil

2010-10-21T12:04:00.000-05:00

Here is my newest color pencil piece in progress that I started yesterday ♥

Earth Tones and Shades of Green

2010-10-21T01:29:00.000-05:00

The newest addition to my handmade jewelry

I think it is definitely one of my favs :) Check it out in my etsy shop!

Go-To Movies

2010-10-18T22:26:00.000-05:00

So this evening I decided that I must watch Little Women, just feeling in one of those moods for a "go-to" movie - one of those movies that is classic for you, a dependable storyline with fascinating, inspiring, or intriguing characters; a movie you can watch over and over again and still not get sick of no matter how many times you see it. I had been listening to the soundtrack to Little Women (by the way, I have decided that one day when I get married, I am so walking down the aisle to Orchard House/New York and then walking out with my new husband to Under the Umbrella. Please don't ask why :) they just have that special feeling of joy and excitement for me), and I decided today that my heart just really needed one of my jenna-appointed-classics. So this had me wondering, what are your favorite "go-to" movies, your-classic movies of choice? In no particular order, here are mine:

The Taste of Fall

2010-10-16T16:44:00.000-05:00

Homemade applesauce simmering on the stove.

Core and coarsely chop two apples (do not peel). Combine with 1 1/2 cups cider in a medium saucepan over medium heat; cover and cook until softened, about 8 minutes. Uncover and continue cooking until the apples are tender and the cider is almost completely reduced, about 5 minutes. Puree with an immersion blender or in a food processor until smooth.

(Taken from Apple Cider Doughnut Recipe by Food Network)

Pumpkin Pie Trifle

Ingredients

13 gingersnaps graham crackers
1 tablespoon unsalted butter, melted
3/4 cup plus 1 tablespoon confectioners' sugar
1/2 cup canned pure pumpkin
Pinch of freshly grated nutmeg
Pinch of cinnamon or pumpkin pie spice if desired
1/2 cup white chocolate chips
2 cups cold heavy cream

Directions

Put graham crackers in a resealable plastic bag and crush into crumbs with a heavy pan. Brush the bottom and about 1 inch up the side of a trifle dish with the butter. Add a few spoonfuls of crumbs roll them around the inside of the dish; pour out the excess crumbs and reserve for topping. Refrigerate the prepared trifle dish.

Put 3/4 cup confectioners' sugar, the pumpkin, and the nutmeg in a food processor. Pulse until smooth, about 1 minute.

Put the white chocolate chips in a microwave-safe bowl and microwave at 50% power until melted, about 1 minute, stirring halfway. Add to the pumpkin mixture and process until combined. Transfer to a large bowl.

Beat 1 /12 cups cream in a bowl with a mixer until soft peaks form; fold into the pumpkin mixture until smooth. Pour into trifle dish and refrigerate until ready to serve.

Beat the remaining 1/2 cup cream with a mixer until foamy. Add the remaining 1 tablespoon confectioners' sugar and beat until soft peaks form. Top the trifle with the whipped cream, reserved cookie crumbs. Sprinkle with nutmeg, cinnamon, or pumpkin pie spice if desired.
(Recipe Credit to Food Network: Taken from Pumpkin-Pie Parfaits Recipe)

Discount Time! Looking to Do Some Early Christmas Shopping?

2010-10-16T16:07:00.009-05:00

Then check out some new pieces of jewelry in my Etsy Shop. Or some art in my other Etsy Shop. And even better, here is a *DISCOUNT SPECIAL* just for you guys---
Here's what you do:
Step 1. Click to follow my blog
Step 2. When you check out on Etsy, type in the coupon code "ShadesofReverie" when checking out and receive 20% off any item :)
Step 3. Enjoy a beautiful piece of jewelry or art as a gift for yourself or someone special :)

Here are some pieces to inspire your Early Christmas Shopping

Enjoy!

(discount only good once to new followers :) thanks!)